This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was Employee Number 427. Employee Number 427's job was simple. He sat at his desk in Room 427, and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Employee 427 did every day of every month of every year. And although others might have considered it soul-rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And Stanley was happy. And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Stanley. Something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No one had showed up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say hi. Never in all his years at the company had this happened; this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses he got up from his desk, and stepped out of his office. Pre-Two Door room Dialogue Stepping out of Stanley's office All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room; perhaps he had simply missed a memo. All of his co-workers were gone, wha- [coughing]. Uh, excuse me. How wonderful! Stanley was alone! Finally! “This is great!” he thought to himself. “This is what I've wanted all along! I got what I wanted.” Stanley decided to go to the meeting room to check on his co-workers. He never functioned well by himself, and constantly needed support and guidance from others. So the thought of total solitude was terrifying to him. All of his co-workers were... wait, no, this isn't the right office, is it? Is this Stanley's office? “How long was I sitting there?” Stanley wondered to himself. “Minutes? Days? Centuries? Did something crucial happen while my senses were turned?” He made a note to be more careful with time from now on. A soft wind blew outside, and perhaps rain started. And, if it did, it stopped shortly after. Stanley hoped he would one day see weather. Stanley this, Stanley that… Stanley this, Stanley that… Stanley this, Stanley that… Stanley this, Stanley that… Someone was following Stanley, he was sure of it. If he checked over his shoulder now he would surely catch them. It was only a matter of time. Even now, Stanley's office was a distant memory. What had it looked like? There was a computer perhaps, and a painting? Was it a painting or a photo? He could no longer recall. The meeting room, yes. That's where everyone would be. Stanley just needed to get to the meeting room, and from then on he would never be alone ever again. “Just a step through this door,” Stanley thought to himself. “That's all I need. If I can make it through this door I can make it through them all.” Already this was uncomfortable. And Stanley decided that as soon as he found a new space he felt safe in that he would never leave it again in his life. Stanley had never seen the office this brightly lit. Was it a sign of something? He hoped it was, he hoped very much that it was. “Wait,” Stanley thought to himself. “Am I sure that the orders stopped coming in? “How is that possible, they've never stopped. Surely I was mistaken.” No, no, the orders were still missing. For now. “I can't wait to tell this story to my co-workers,” Stanley thought. “How amusing they'll find it! Oh, won't we all just laugh and laugh at the time I thought everyone had gone missing!” Stanley knew the office layout like the back of his hand. It was only a matter of time before he found the others, wherever they were. Only a matter of time. Idle Stanley just stood there doing nothing at all. He seems to think I have nothing better to do with my time than to sit around and describe every fascinating little detail of his inability to do anything. This is why Stanley and I are on such good terms. Stanley stood for a long time in one spot. It's part of a game. He likes to see how long he can go without dying. So far, he's doing excellent. And if he just stays right where he is, I'm sure he'll keep up that good momentum. Let's observe the genius at work. Rummaging Around No matter how hard Stanley looked, he couldn't find a trace of his co-workers. Stanley went around touching every little thing in the office. But it didn't make a single difference, nor did it advance the story in any way. Stanley clicked on literally every single door in the office because he doesn't pick up well on cues from his environment. Door 430 Achievement/Trophy Oh please. Are you really just doing this for the achievement? Click a door 5 times, is that all that you think an achievement is worth? No, no, no, no, no. I can't just give these merits away for such little effort. A measly five clicks. Now suppose you were to click the door twenty times. I would say that's the kind of effort that warrants recognition! Hm. I have to say, I'm still not feeling the satisfaction of witnessing true effort for a noble cause. Perhaps fifty clicks will do it. Yes, almost certainly fifty clicks. No, no, I'm - I'm still not feeling it. I - I want this achievement to have meant something. It has to be a true reward for valiant effort! I want to see some hustle, Stanley! I want to see commitment! A willingness to go all the way no matter what the cost! Why don't you go put twenty clicks into door number 417? Oh great, now go click a few times on door 437. Excellent, I think we're getting somewhere. Now door 415, let's give it ten clicks or so. Now back to door number 437. Let's see, how about you click on... well I don't know, the copy machine? Alright back to room 417! I'm really feeling it now, I think we're getting somewhere! Okay now go climb on Employee 419's desk. Yes! This is great! You're putting it all on the line, Stanley; I like that! Alright let's keep it up. Go give me a few clicks on door 416! WE'VE ALMOST GOT IT! NOW THE COPY MACHINE - DO THAT ONE AGAIN! FINISH IT OFF, STANLEY! 5 CLICKS ON DOOR 430! YEEEEES!!! WE DID IT! Oh wow, that felt amazing. You really earned it, Stanley. Nothing could hold you back. I'm very proud of how far we've come today. Just think, only a few minutes ago you believed an achievement was worth five little clicks. Really now, what were you thinking? Studying room 417 Oh, and, uh... I guess this is where Stanley felt he needed to be right now, in this little hallway. Here, with no distractions, to study room 417. Not to actually enter it. No, no, no, no, that would be far too forward. He would know room 417 as no man or woman had ever known an office before. That ladder over there! Oh! And that little picture of a horizon or something! It's all just a never ending parade of joy for Stanley. Ah, no, apparently not. In the two doors room When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left. Left Door Dialogue Meeting Room dialogue Yet there was not a single person here either. Feeling a wave of disbelief, Stanley decided to go up to his boss's office hoping he might find an answer there. Getting to the staircase Coming to a staircase, Stanley walked upstairs to his boss's office. Upstairs Dialogue Boss's Office Dialogue Standard Dialogue Stepping into his manager's office, Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. Shocked, unraveled, Stanley wondered in disbelief who orchestrated this. What dark secret was being held from him? What he could not have known was that the keypad behind the boss's desk guarded the terrible truth that his boss had been keeping from him. And so the boss had assigned it an extra secret pin number 2 - 8 - 4 - 5 But, of course, Stanley couldn't possibly have known this. Long Alternative 1 Stepping into his manager's office Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. What could it mean, he wondered. Desperate for answers, he began turning the room over, looking for clues that might unravel the situation until at last he discovered a keypad behind the boss's desk. But alas, no code. For this keypad guarded the terrible secret that lay buried below his feet. And so the boss had assigned it an extra secret pin number 2 - 8 - 4 - 5 But of course, Stanley couldn't possibly have known this. Long Alternative 2 Stepping into his manager's office, Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. “What could it mean?” Stanley wondered aloud to nobody. He began wildly tearing through papers on the boss's desk, pulling books off the shelf, looking behind paintings, desperate for clues to his situation. But his attention was caught by a keypad behind the boss's desk. What could its purpose be? In fact, this keypad guarded the terrible secret that lay buried below his feet, and so the boss had assigned it an extra secret pin number 2 - 8 - 4 - 5 But of course, Stanley couldn't possibly have known this. Long Alternative 3 The moment he entered his manager's office, Stanley froze in his tracks. Not a living soul anywhere. Could he really be all alone? This was too much for Stanley to take; too much for any man to take! He fell to his knees, bursting into half-moans, half-sobs The guttural retching of life from a man denied any hope, any reason to keep going. Here on the floor, he lay prone, paralyzed by fear for nearly a full hour. But when at last he began to move about and survey the situation, he found a keypad behind the boss's desk. What could it mean? Was it a sign of hope for Stanley's future? Alas, it was not. For although this keypad guarded the terrible secret of Stanley's past, it had been assigned a four-digit code so devious and so random that no man could ever hope to guess it. 2 - 8 - 4 - 5 Statistically nearly impossible to guess blindly... ever. Entering incorrect codes 1 Stanley just sat around twiddling his thumbs. Trying to input anything on the device was useless since he could never possibly know that the combination was: 2 - 8 - 4 - 5. 2 - 8 - 4 - 5 For god - but it turns out that the panel's emergency override kicked in and the door just opened all by itself and Stanley got the hell along with the story - well whoop-de-doo! Entering incorrect codes 2 Stanley simply began entering random codes into the keypad, knowing full well the sheer statistical unlikelihood that this would ever result in a correct combination. If he knew that the combo was 2 - 8 - 4 - 5, it would be another story entirely. But no. No, this is what he's going to do instead. Entering correct code Yet incredibly, by simply pushing random buttons on the keypad, Stanley happened to input the correct code by sheer luck. Amazing. He stepped into the newly opened passageway. Entering 2-8-4-5 before The Narrator mentions it Stanley was in such a rush to get through the story as quickly as possible, he didn't even have a single minute to just let the narrator talk. That kind of anxiety isn't healthy, so he relaxed for a few moments with some calming new-age music. ♫ [Calming new-age music] ♫ Feeling soothed and rejuvenated, Stanley calmly walked forward into the opened passageway. Narrator opening door for you 1 Okay, I think we all know the drill by now. Blah, blah, blah, dark secrets, the keypad, Stanley pushes some buttons. Oh hey, look, it's a new passageway! Quelle surprise. Narrator opening door for you 2 Here's the door, just go. Going down the Mind Control Facility elevator Descending deeper into the building, Stanley realized he felt a bit peculiar. It was a stirring of emotion in his chest as though he felt more free to think for himself, to question the nature of his job. Why did he feel this now, when for years it had never occurred to him? This question would not go unanswered for long. Mind Control Facility dialogue Stanley walked straight ahead through the large door that read: 'Mind Control Facility'. Pushing the light button The lights rose on an enormous room packed with television screens. “What horrible secret did this place hold?” Stanley thought to himself. Did he have the strength to find out? Pushing the camera button Now the monitors jumped to life, their true nature revealed. Each bore the number of an employee in the building - Stanley's co-workers. The lives of so many individuals reduced to images on a screen, and Stanley one of them, eternally monitored in this place where freedom meant nothing Pushing the elevator button This Mind Control Facility... it was too horrible to believe. It couldn't be true. Had Stanley really been under someone's control all this time? Was this the only reason he was happy with his boring job? That his emotions had been manipulated to accept it blindly? Riding the elevator No! He refused to believe it. He couldn't accept it. His own life in someone else's control? Never! It was unthinkable, wasn't it? Was it even possible? Had he truly spent his entire life utterly blind to the world? Getting out of the elevator But here was the proof. The heart of the operation. Controls labeled with emotions: happy, or sad, or content. Walking, eating, working; all of it monitored and commanded from this very place. And as the cold reality of his past began to sink in, Stanley decided that this machinery would never again exert its terrible power over another human life. For he would dismantle the controls once and for all. And when at last he found the source of the room's power, he knew it was his duty, his obligation, to put an end to this horrible place and to everything it stood for. Right Door Dialogue Taking the door on the right This was not the correct way to the meeting room, and Stanley knew it perfectly well. Perhaps he wanted to stop by the employee lounge first, just to admire it. Employee Lounge Dialogue Ah, yes. Truly a room worth admiring. It had really been worth the detour after all, just to spend a few moments here in this immaculate, beautifully-constructed room. Stanley simply stood here, drinking it all in. Yes! Really, really worth it being here in the room. A room so utterly captivating that, even though all your co-workers have mysteriously vanished, here you sit looking at these chairs and some paintings. Really worth it. At this point, Stanley's obsession with this room bordered on creepy and reflected poorly on his overall personality. It's possible that this is why everyone left. Stanley sat around waiting for more dialogue. But when a long time had passed and there was no more he decided that the game was trying to send him a message. Wow, yes, this room. What a beautiful room. What a gorgeous, gorgeous room. Thank goodness Stanley had taken this detour on his way to the meeting room. Life without having experienced this room was now too horrible even to consider. The lounge was sublime, a work of art. What was it about this room that called so deeply and so personally to Stanley? Its grace? Its subtle charm? No, Stanley knew... it was something deeper. Something... darker. Standing now in this incredible room, Stanley, for the first time, understood true happiness. Then the feeling went away and he felt sad again. Then it came back, and lingered for a minute or two. Now it's only half there; just a kind of, um, tingle. Stanley felt light-headed, butterflies in his stomach, giddy in a way he had never known before. Was it this room? A connection between the two? Could a man love a room? I mean... truly... truly... deeply... madly... love? The lounge was grand, majestic... perhaps too majestic. Like a combination of a much smaller version and a much larger version of this exact room. It all made Stanley uncomfortable, and he started to bleed a little. This made him smile. At last, proof that he was human. And here it was, the lounge. “What a room,” Stanley thought to himself. “What a room, what a room, what a room.” This is what Stanley thought: “What a room! What a room, what a room! What a room! Va va voom. What a room.” It was okay. Exiting the Employee Lounge But eager to get back to business, Stanley took the first open door on his left. But at last he'd had enough of the amazing room, and took the first open door on his left to get back to business. Maintenance Room Dialogue And so he detoured through the maintenance section, walked straight ahead to the opposite door, and got back on track. Warehouse Dialogue Entering the Warehouse Stanley was so bad at following directions, it's incredible he wasn't fired years ago. Walking Onto the Cargo Lift Look, Stanley, I think perhaps we've gotten off on the wrong foot here. I'm not your enemy, really, I'm not. I realize that investing your trust in someone else can be difficult but the fact is that the story has been about nothing but you all this time. There's someone you've been neglecting, Stanley. Someone you've forgotten about. Please, stop trying to make every decision by yourself. Now, I'm not asking for me; I'm asking for her. In the upper storage room This is it, Stanley. Your chance to redeem yourself. To put your work aside, to let her back into your life. She's been waiting. Warehouse Catwalk Dialogue Wha- really? I was in the middle of something, do you have zero consideration for others? Are you that convinced that I want something bad to happen to you? Why, I don't know how to convince you of this but I really do want to help you, to show you something beautiful. Look, let me prove it. Let me prove that I'm on your side. Give me a chance. Colored Doors Room Now, listen carefully, this is important. Stanley walked through the red door. General Dialogue (Bucket) Pre-Two Door room Dialogue Ignoring The Bucket Stanley felt the bucket calling to him, begging him to pick it up. Why was he not doing it? Ignoring The Bucket once again Maybe Stanley would never pick up the bucket. A lonely bucket; lonely and miserable, and Stanley-less. Such a sad fate for a bucket. Ignoring The Bucket yet again Stanley, pick up the bucket. Picking Up The Bucket Stanley picked up the bucket. Stanley lifted the bucket into his arms, and a wave of comfort rushed over him. The confusion and the chaos all seemed to melt away as Stanley embraced the bucket. Warmth spread through Stanley's arms. With the bucket in his arms again, he was home. Stanley picked up the bucket and smiled. He'd never be alone again. Not truly alone. Not with the bucket around. The good ol' bucket. Just Stanley and the bucket, off on another thrilling adventure together. The bucket made Stanley want to be a better man, and a better co-worker. In time, perhaps he would become both of those things. Ahh, Stanley's bucket. The only coworker he would ever truly need. As Stanley lifted his bucket, he felt a connection to all buckets everywhere. This adventure, he decided, was for all of them. A good bucket. A strong bucket. A humble bucket. A committed bucket. A bucket of culture and distinction. Ah, the embrace of an old friend. A weathered companionship that stands the test of time. Is Stanley without the bucket really Stanley at all? No, no surely not. One man. One bucket. One chance to seize their destiny, together. Finally, yes. The bucket! Yes, yes, yes! I love that bucket. ''Where are we going today?'' the bucket asked. Stanley just smiled. Anywhere they went together would be perfectly fine with him. Stanley cradled the bucket in a gentle embrace. Protective yet delicate, assertive yet compassionate. It's bucket time! Picking Up The Replacement Bucket And try not to lose this one too, you dolt. Rummaging Around with the Bucket Stanley pressed the bucket to his cheek. Could his coworkers really be gone? Touching Things With The Bucket In The Office Stanley pressed the bucket upon every little thing in the office. Nothing responded to the bucket's touch., but it did little to discourage Stanley's belief in the magic of the bucket. Door 430 Achievement/Trophy Oh, please. Are you really just doing this for the achievement? Click a door five times? Is that all that you think an achievement is worth? No, no, no, no, no. I can't just give these merits away for such little effort. A measly five clicks? Now suppose you were to click the door twenty times. I would say that's the kind of effort that warrants recognition! Hmm, I have to say, I'm still not feeling the satisfaction of witnessing true effort for a noble cause. Perhaps fifty clicks will do it. Yes, almost certainly fifty clicks. No, no. I'm still not feeling it. You see, now that you've gotten the bucket involved, my standards have gone up. Merely clicking a single door is no longer enough. Now I want to see you press this bucket against multiple doors. Now that's the kind of thing that merits an achievement! Why don't you go put twenty bucket-touches into door number 417? Okay great, now go touch the bucket on door 437 a few times. Yes, now we're getting somewhere. How about door 415? Give it some bucket love! Now back to door number 437. You know, I think the copy machine needs some attention. Why don't you rub the bucket on it for a bit? Alright back to room 417! I'm really feeling it now, I think we're getting somewhere! Okay, now bring the bucket top of Employee 419's desk. Now the bucket knows exactly what it's like to be Employee 419! Now let's introduce it to door 416! We've almost got it! Now make the bucket and the copy machine touch again! Finish it off, Stanley! 5 touches of the bucket on door 430! Yes! We did it! Wow, that felt amazing. You know, not all buckets will get this kind of experience. They won't all know what it's like to slam repeatedly against nearly every door in one section of an office building. Or what it's like to be employee 419. Buckets may dream of an experience like this, but few can say they've truly lived it. You've given a bucket hope today. Stanley, I'm very proud of you. Trapping Yourself Beside Room 417 Stanley took the bucket with him into this little hallway and closed the doors. This was their hideout, no one would ever find them here. Of course, no one would ever find them anyway because everyone was missing. But Stanley chose to ignore this fact, and instead focus on how cool the hideout was. Just him and the bucket, two renegade heroes against the world, inside their secret, undetectable hideout. Here next to room 417. What a treat. Ah, no, apparently not. In the Two Doors Room Stanley clutched the bucket tightly to his chest, and entered the door on his left. Left Door Dialogue Meeting Room dialogue Still no one was here. Stanley needed the bucket's warmth and comfort now more than ever. Perhaps his boss' office was where he'd find answers. Getting to the staircase Coming to a staircase, Stanley and the bucket walked upstairs to the boss’s office. Upstairs Dialogue Boss's Office Dialogue Stepping into the boss's office Stepping into his manager's office, Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. Crushed by the weight of this revelation Stanley may have broken down into an emotional dumpster fire if not for the soothing presence of the bucket. Even now in his darkest of hours did the bucket's warmth and guiding light pierce the dark clouds of confusion and chaos. It would be with him always. The bucket would. And he knew it. The two of them were inseparable. At this point, Stanley was so absorbed in the tender spiritual connection he shared with the bucket that he didn't notice the keypad behind the boss's desk. Nor in his bliss of simply being near the bucket did he have any notion that the pin number for the keypad was 2-8-4-5 Pressing the number 3 The bucket did not react, except - except for perhaps a tiny glow of warmth. Subtle, yes, but an unmistakable spark from somewhere deep within. Entering the code But Stanley guessed the correct code by sheer luck! Was it that the bucket knew all along? Was the bucket guiding him? Yes, this is certainly the most logical explanation. Going down the Mind Control Facility elevator The elevator raced downward, plummeting towards an unknown fate. It would be all Stanley could do to keep himself together if not for the bucket soothing him, comforting him, reassuring that in this darkest moment of uncertainty, he would be alright. The bucket is here for you, Stanley. Everything will be fine. Mind Control Facility dialogue Pushing the light button The lights rose on an enormous room packed with television screens. What horrible secret did this place hold, Stanley and the bucket wonder to themselves. Pushing the camera button The monitors jumped to life, and Stanley nearly dropped the bucket in shock. Everyone in the office was being videotaped, monitored like guinea pigs. The bucket had never seen anything like this, and it very nearly burst into tears as Stanley cradled it gently, reassuring it that everything would be fine. Pushing the elevator button Was the bucket under the Mind Control Facility's influence as well? Had the bucket been told to do things it didn't wish to do? What kinds of things does a bucket want to do or not want to do in the first place? These questions raced furiously in Stanley's feeble mind. Riding the elevator "NO!" he screamed into the bucket. He couldn't accept it; his own life in someone else's control? Never! He squeezed the bucket tighter, his one friend in the entire world. At this point, he could trust no one except for the bucket. Getting out of the elevator But here was the proof. The heart of the operation. Controls labeled with emotions: 'happy' or 'sad' or 'content'. Walking, eating, working... all of it monitored and commanded from this very place. And as the cold reality of his past began to sink in, Stanley decided that this machinery would never again exert it's terrible power over another human life. For he and the bucket would dismantle the controls for good. Two best friends, Stanley and the bucket, up against the world. They high-fived in a really cool way and the bucket made a sassy comment about taking down the system. When at last they found the source of the room's power Stanley and the bucket knew it was their obligation, to put an end to this horrible place and to everything it stood for. Right Door Dialogue Taking the door on the right This was not the correct way to the meeting room, but Stanley had felt the bucket calling to him telling that the employee lounge was simply the place to be Employee Lounge Dialogue And here it was. Had the bucket turned out to be correct? Was this better than the meeting room? "Yes," Stanley thought to himself. "Yes perhaps it truly was." How insightful the bucket turned out to be. [After a few seconds] Truly, being here with the bucket was a grand adventure. Stanley reflected on all they'd been through together. First walking through the door on the right then walking to the lounge, then arriving at the lounge. What a thrilling journey the bucket had inspired. [After a few more seconds]Perhaps this was where the bucket felt most truly at home. Here in the employee lounge. Perhaps it's the only place a bucket even can feel at home. [After even more seconds] Stanley decided to just give the bucket absolutely as much time as it needed to be in the lounge. Clearly the bucket and the employee lounge shared a special connection. Exiting the Employee Lounge No, never mind. The bucket was wrong. Stanley took the door on his left to go back to the meeting room. OR… But finally the bucket was done being in the lounge and they took the first open door on their left to get back to business. Maintenance Room Dialogue And the two of them detoured through the maintenance section and walked straight ahead to the opposite door. Warehouse Dialogue Entering the Warehouse "No!" said the bucket, "Don't go to the meeting room. Go somewhere else. The cargo lift, yes. Go there. Go to the cargo lift." Walking Onto the Cargo Lift "Good" said the bucket. "Now ride the lift all the way to the top. There's something up there I need you to do." Stanley did not question why or how this bucket was speaking to him. It should have alarmed him of course, because buckets can't talk. But Stanley chose not to think about this obvious fact. He was firmly convinced that the bucket had spoken to him and he unthinkingly did whatever the bucket asked. In the upper storage room "In here," said the bucket. "Go in this dark room over here." Stanley once again obeyed blindly. Bumpscosity Reactions 0 Bumpscocits Dear me, where did all of the bumpscosity go? Quite unnerving in here with all of it gone." 1 Bumpscosit Well I'm quite feeling the lack of bumpscosity in here. Only a single bumpscosit. Still, it will have to do." 12 Bumpscosits Just a light breeze of bumpscosity in here at the moment, not bad. I personally enjoy a bit more bumpscosity, but at this amount it's absolutely reasonable." 50 Bumpscosits Ah, quite a pleasant amount of bumpscosity we've got today, wouldn't you say? Very enjoyable." 76 Bumpscosits Well, the bumpscosity in here is really getting up there, isn't it? No matter, the story must carry on no matter how much or how little bumpscosity there is." 100 Bumpscosits Who turned up the bumpscosity so high? I like bumpscosity as much as the next person, but a hundred is quite a lot, wouldn't you say?" 1000 Bumpscosits My god the bumpscosity in here is absolutely overwhelming. A thousand?! You people have got to be nuts! How can you stand this much bumpscosity?" Collecting The Figurines 2nd Figure You found one of them! One of the miniature Stanley figurines. Remember, no reward for collecting all of these. Only the intrinsic pleasure of a job well done. You can't buy that sort of happiness, Stanley. God knows I've tried. So, I implore you to savor each and every moment you come across one of these beautiful figurines. 3rd Figure Another miniature Stanley figurine! This, um - there really must be a snappier name for these things. What about... Mini-Stans? Stanley-Figs? Or, what about... Stanlurines? Yes! I think I like that! Another Stanlurine under your belt! 4th Figure Okay, I'm going back to the name of these little Stanley figurines. And now I'm torn between Stanlurines and Figleys. What do you think, Stanley? What name better encapsulates the happiness that you get from seeing a small number in the corner of your screen go up by one? Let me sit on it, I'm sure it'll come to me. 5th Figure You're getting close now, Stanley. You've nearly gotten all of the Figlureanlurines! Very soon, you'll collect the last one. And then the first number will equal the second number, and that will be it! We'll be different people by then. Different in the sense that we used to have none of them, and now we have them all. You can't go back to when you had no Figlureanlurines. None of us can. 6th Figure And there it is! The last Stiggley-Wiggley! Savor this moment, Stanley. This is a real accomplishment. This is doing something just for the sake of doing it. Where so many people expect to be rewarded for the most trivial achievements, you've insisted that a job well done is it's own reward! I would tell you that I'm proud of you for collecting them all, but that would be like a reward, and we can't have that. So instead, I'll just say; it's done! We're all done here! And now we can go to whatever the hell you were doing before you hunted for figurines. Endings Left door endings Freedom Ending (No Bucket) Blackness... and a rising chill of uncertainty... Was it over? Yes! He had won. He had defeated the machine, unshackled himself from someone else's command. Freedom was mere moments away! And, yet, even as the immense door slowly opened, Stanley reflected on how many puzzles still lay unsolved. Where had his co-workers gone? How had he been freed from the machine's grasp? What other mysteries did this strange building hold? But as sunlight streamed into the chamber, he realized none of this mattered to him. For it was not knowledge, or even power, that he had been seeking, but happiness. Perhaps his goal had not to been to understand, but to let go. No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his. And that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing. Stanley stepped through the open door. Stanley felt the cool breeze upon his skin, the feeling of liberation, the immense possibility of the new path before him. This was exactly the way, right now, that things were meant to happen. And Stanley was happy. Freedom Ending (Bucket) Stanley and the bucket waited in blackness was it over? [door starts to open] Yes! They had done it! Stanley and the bucket had defeated their greatest and darkest enemy freed themselves from the tyrannical grip of the evil mind control machine. Freedom was now mere moments away! Excitedly, the two of them began to discuss the kind of life they wanted to live once they stepped through this massive door. The bucket wanted to learn to roller skate. Stanley wanted to sneeze in every country on earth. Both of them wanted to begin watching a movie. any movie then stop it halfway through and begin watching it in reverse from the end. True, it was simple life they envisioned. But it was one they'd live together. With one another to lean on, to trust, to support, and to- What... Wait... What was happening? Why had the door stopped? Were Stanley and the bucket not about to be freed? An unbearable silence filled the room, lingering in uncertainty. Until finally, the truth hit Stanley square in the face. This building did not want the bucket to leave! Even the facility itself recognized the incredible calming presence of the bucket needed the soothing warmth of the bucket, would go to any lengths not to part with the bucket. No, no, no. Stanley can't leave this place. Not while he has such a precious bucket in his arms. Not while this building has anything to say about it. Stanley realized he would never again leave this very room. But at least... at least he has the bucket. "To be trapped eternally in darkness isn't really so bad," Stanley thought to himself. "As long as I have my bucket with me, right? I'll be okay, won't I?" Stanley gulped. Very soon now, he was about to find out. Countdown Ending (No Bucket) Oh Stanley, you didn't just activate the controls, did you? After they kept you enslaved all these years, you go and you try to take control of the machine for yourself, is that want you wanted? Control? Oh...Stanley. *sigh* I applaud your effort, I really do, but you need to understand; there's only so much that machine can do. You were supposed to let it go, turn the controls off, and leave. If you want to throw my story off track, you're gonna have to do much better than that. I'm afraid you don't have nearly the power you think you do; for example, and I believe you'll find this pertinent: Stanley suddenly realized that he had just initiated the network's emergency detonation system. In the event that this machine is activated without proper DNA identification, nuclear detonators are set to explode, eliminating the entire complex. How long until detonation, then? Hmm...let's say, um...two minutes. Ah, now this is making things a little more fun, isn't it, Stanley? It's your time to shine! You are the star! It's your story now; shape it to your heart's desires. Ooh, this is much better than what I had in mind! What a shame we have so little time left to enjoy it. Mere moments until the bomb goes off, but what precious moments each one of them is! More time to talk about you, about me, where we're going, what this all means...I barely know where to start! What's that? You'd like to know where your co-workers are? A moment of solace before you're obliterated? Alright. I'm in a good mood. You're going to die anyway. I'll tell you exactly what happened to them: I erased them. I turned off the machine; I set you free. Of course, that was merely in this instance of the story. Sometimes when I tell it, I simply let you sit there in your office forever, pushing buttons endlessly and then dying alone. Other times, I let the office sink into the ground, swallowing everyone inside; or I let it burn to a crisp. I have to say this, though, this version of events has been rather amusing. Watching you try to make sense of everything and take back the control wrested away from you...it's quite rich. I almost hate to see it go! But I'm sure whatever I come up with on the next go around will be even better. My goodness! Only 34 seconds left...but I'm enjoying this so much! You know what? To hell with it. I'm going to put some extra time on the clock; why not! These are precious additional seconds, Stanley. Time doesn't grow on trees! Oh, dear me, what's the matter, Stanley? Is is that you have no idea where you are going or what you're supposed to be doing right now? Or did you just assume when you saw that timer that something in this room is capable of turning it off? I mean, look at you, running from button to button, screen to screen, clicking on every little thing in this room! These numbered buttons! No! These coloured ones! Or maybe this big, red button! Or this door! Everything! Anything! Something here will save me! Why would you think that, Stanley? That this video game can be beaten, won, solved? Do you have any idea what your purpose in this place is? Hahaha, heh, Stanley...you're in for quite a disappointment. ~ ~ ~ First Playthrough But here's a spoiler for you: that timer isn't a catalyst to keep the action moving along. It's just seconds ticking away to your death. You're only still playing instead of watching a cutscene because I want to watch you for every moment that you're powerless, to see you made humble. This is not a challenge. It's a tragedy. You wanted to control this world; that's fine. But I'm going to destroy it first, so you can't. Replay But you really believe there's an answer! How many times will you replay this bit, looking desperately for a solution? Ten? A hundred? A thousand? I look forward to finding out, and to watching the bomb go off each time you fail. Just you and me and the retching explosion of fire and metal over and over and over for all eternity. And Stanley died again. And Stanley died again. And Stanley died again. ~ ~ ~ With 30 Seconds Left Take a look at the clock, Stanley. That's 30 seconds you have left to struggle. Thirty seconds until a big boom, and then nothing. No ending here, just you being blown to pieces. Will you cling desperately to your frail life, or will you let it go peacefully? Another choice! Make it count. Or don't. It's all the same to me. All a part of the joke. And believe me, I will be laughing at every second of your inevitable life, from the moment we fade in until the moment I say: Happily Ever Af- Countdown Ending (Bucket) But at the last second, the bucket jumped in and pressed the button to turn on the controls! Stanley gasped in horror. Had this been the bucket's plan all along, to take over the machine and claim the power for itself? How could the bucket have betrayed him like this? Stanley was prepared to throw the bucket away in disgust when suddenly an image appeared upon the enormous screen. [Screen turns on again] Birds. Silly... silly birds. The control buttons became active again. Stanley flipped through one video of silly birds after another. And then it dawned on him. This wasn't a mind control facility at all. It was a facility for monitoring and surveilling silly birds all over the world! The mind controls were only a facade to disguise its true intentions. Had the bucket known this all along? Stanley marveled at the metal genius in his hands. The one who had pointed him toward this incredible discovery. Stanley and the bucket never found freedom, because they spent the rest of their lives here in this place flipping through livestreams of the silliest birds imaginable. Of all the possible paths his live could have taken, this one was surely the best. And Stanley was happy. Bottom of the Mind Control Room Ending (No Bucket) Aha! You've made it to the bottom of the Mind Control Facility, welcome! You see, back when The Stanley Parable first launched in 2013, getting to the bottom of the Mind Control Facility was a bug that we simply didn't catch during development. And you all sent us lots of photos on Twitter and acted very superior about it, and you're all very, very clever, good for you. Anyway, when it came time to update the game, we knew that we had to do something about this little goof of ours. So...here you go! New content! You can call it ''Bottom of the Mind Control Room Ending'', if that enhances your perception of the value of these updates. Isn't that what you crave? New content? Always more content, more content, more, more, more, more, more, more, more! And i'm here to give it to you! I'm here to make it seem like we really covered every nook and cranny of the game with secrets and easter eggs! How about this? We wrote a new peice of music just for this section. You won't hear it anywhere else in the game. It's a secret that's just for you, that's how special you are. We call this track ''Good Job. You've Made It To The Bottom Of The Mind Control Facility. Well Done.'' [Rock intro music] You did it... Good job, you did it! Good job! Okay... [Clears throat] 3, 2, 1... Good job, you made it to the bottom of the Mind Control Facility! You jumped down the catwalk. You should've been careful! You should've been careful! It used to be a bug, but now it's an ending, yeah now it's an ending! And I believe in you! I believe in your ability to cross this barrier! And chase you dreams! Railings don't mean anything! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! (x5) Bottom of the Mind Control Room Ending (Bucket) But just as Stanley was about to proceed further into the mind control facility he tripped and fell over the railing and into the dark void below. Thankfully he fell directly onto the bucket, which safely cushioned his fall. Now what to do next, Stanley wondered. Stanley and the bucket could find no way out of this enormous pit and so eventually they decided that the best thing to do would be to simply get comfortable down here. So they set up a little couch and relaxed. It really wasn't so bad down here. A bit cold, perhaps. After some time had gone by, they installed a few shelves as well and a sort of kitchenette that was useful for when the bucket was craving paninis. But it wasn't until the rugs and the standing lamps came in that it really started to feel like a home. in fact, after some time Stanley realized that it had been ages since he had even thought of the mind control facility at all! He'd never gotten to fully explore what was up there never been able to unearth the many mysteries of the mind control facility. This lack of closure began to eat at him. Soon he was dwelling on his regrets. And the state of their home slow decayed as Stanley became withdrawn and neglected the cleaning. It unsettled the bucket deeply. Stanley wasn't usually like this. The bucket tried to reach out to him again and again, but to no avail. All Stanley could think about, all he could talk about, was going back doing it over again, staying on the path. "It was a mistake to leave the path, it was a mistake, it was a mistake, I need to do what the narrator says, I need to see the true ending." This made no sense at all to the bucket, which was simply trying to live its live down here as comfortably as possible. Yet Stanley was unconsolable. "This isn't an ending. this is just a hole in the ground!" The bucket sighed. True it wasn't an ending, but it's where we happened to be. And maybe, possibly, if we accept the reality of things, maybe this will become an ending eventually. It's what the bucket was counting on. The two of them waited for a very long time. Museum Ending (No Bucket) Although this passageway had the word 'Escape' written on it, the truth was, that at the end of this hall, Stanley would meet his violent death. The door behind him was not shut. Stanley still had every opportunity to turn around and get back on track. At this point, Stanley was making a conscious, concerted effort to walk forward, and willingly confront his death. ~ ~ ~ Leaving escape hall But of course, Stanley thought better of it, and realized he simply had too much to live for. Returning to escape hall Nope, still on board with death. ~ ~ ~ As the machine whirled into motion, and Stanley was inched closer and closer to his demise, he reflected that his life had been of no consequence whatsoever. Stanley can't see the bigger picture. He doesn't know the real story. Trapped forever in his narrow vision of what this world is. Perhaps his death was of no great loss, like plucking the eyeballs from a blind man. And so he resigned, and willingly accepted this violent end to his brief and shallow life. Farewell, Stanley. "Farewell Stanley", cried the Narrator, as Stanley was led helplessly into the enormous metal jaws. In a single visceral instant, Stanley was obliterated as the machine crushed every bone in his body, killing him instantly. And yet it would be just a few minutes before Stanley would restart the game, back in his office, as alive as ever. What exactly did the Narrator think he was going to accomplish? Entering the museum When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same. Do you see now? Do you see that Stanley was already dead from the moment he hit start? Leaving the museum *laugh* Oh, look at these two. How they wish to destroy one another. How they wish to control one another. How they both wish to be free. Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? No, perhaps not. Sometimes these things cannot be seen. But listen to me, you can still save these two. You can stop the program before they both fail. ~ ~ ~ Push escape, and press quit. There's no other way to beat this game. (PC) Turn off your PlayStation. There's no other way to beat this game. (PlayStation) Turn off your Xbox. There's no other way to beat this game. (Xbox) Turn off your Nintendo Switch. There's no other way to beat this game. (Switch) ~ ~ ~ As long as you move forward, you'll be walking someone else's path. Stop now, and it'll be your only true choice. Whatever you do, choose it! Don't let time choose for you! Don't let time cho- [death] Museum Ending (Bucket) Although this passageway had the word 'escape' written on it, the truth was that at the end of this hall, Stanley and the bucket would meet their violent death. The door behind them was not shut. Stanley and the bucket still had every opportunity to turn around and get back on track. At this point, Stanley and the bucket were knowingly walking forward into a very painful death for each of them. ~ ~ ~ Leaving escape hall But of course, Stanley and the bucket thought better of it, and realized they simply had too much to live for. Returning to escape hall Nope, it's death for Stanley and the bucket. ~ ~ ~ As the machine whirled into motion, and Stanley and the bucket inched closer to their demise, Stanley reflected on how meaningless the bucket's warmth and comfort had turned out to be. To be sure, it puts the mind and the soul at ease to embrace the bucket but what use is a sense of ease when you're about to be crushed to death? This is what Stanley thought to himself and he sort of kicked himself for wasting so much time carrying a bucket everywhere. Farewell, Stanley. "Farewell Stanley", cried the Narrator, as Stanley and the bucket were led helplessly into the enormous metal jaws. In a single visceral instant, the bucket's life came to an end as it was crushed violently to death. It was a shame, the death of such a magnificent bucket. It's true that all buckets are radiant in their own way but this one stood above the rest. It was a glorious bucket to behold. Entering the museum Can you see how arrogant it was for Stanley to take a bucket like this and to claim it for his own? Can you see the hubris that blinded him? Can you see that the bucket is far more noble than Stanley will ever be in his short life? No man can own a bucket, and certainly not a bucket as dazzling to behold as this one. It is man who should kneel before the bucket. Leaving the museum But there is something we can do. Something we can do together, you and I, that will right this terrible wrong. Let Stanley die. Let him be crushed by the machine. Don't reset the game. Don't give him another opportunity to run off with another beautiful bucket. We can save the world's buckets from their treatment as tools and implements if only we let Stanley die together. The bucket shall take its place as ruler, as leader, as commander of a new world, a new vision for - Elevator Ending (No Bucket) Whoops; nope, never mind! Stanley actually got back into the elevator and went back up! Silly me! Why did Stanley do that, when he knew that it would just lead back to his boss's office? Well, that's a great question, I just can't wait to find out. Here we are Stanley, it's your boss's office! Exactly the way it was before you got onto the elevator. It's still just exactly what it is. What a decision you've made to come up here and look at the office again. This has fleshed out the plot of the story in new and fascinating ways I could have never anticipated. It's that keen eye for storytelling that you have, an incisive rapid fire of critical plot points, one after the other, weaving a rich tapestry of uncompromising narrative! Wow! [Chuckles] I'm bolted to the edge of my seat! Incredible. Now he's getting back into the elevator and going down again? Ladies and gentlemen, how does he keep coming up with all this? Did you think we were going to go forward down the spooky corridor? No! It's time once again to go back up in the elevator! I can't even begin to grapple with what might be up there. Is it the boss's office again? Or what if it's the boss's office this time? The suspense is killing me! Oh my god... it's the boss's office. [Sigh] This absolutely changes everything for me. Give me a time out here while I process this. [On Hold] Okay, I'm ready. I'm prepared to embrace this stunning revelation, and to move forward with- No! No wait! No, I need more time to process. [On Hold again] Alright, I have fully come to terms with it. I have made space in my worldview for this astonishing new reality. As before, I turn to your expert eye for gripping narrative, Master Stanley. Of course. Going back down in the elevator. How did I not anticipate it? I mean, sure, now it's obvious. But you have to understand that thirty seconds ago, this kind of thing had never been attempted before. I had no frame of reference to even anticipate it! That's just how revelatory Stanley's decision-making is. A breath of fresh air in a landscape of storytelling that has grown stale and repetitive. Hmm... You know what? I just thought of something. Hold on, let's stop for a moment. (elevator stops) Don't you realise? It's the anticipation, Stanley. You and I, we have no way of knowing what will be at the top of this elevator. But the suspense! The agony of waiting, and anticipating, and having to guess! That's the real thrill! Oh, I simply don't want to let that feeling go! It's so precious, so fleeting! Why don't we take this elevator ride nice and slow? (elevator starts again, but slower) There we go. Isn't this so much more exciting? You know Stanley, it seems like nowadays the only thing that audiences want is to be shocked as loudly and frequently as possible. They want big explosive moments flung right in their faces from the very moment that things get started. But where's the tension? Where's the trust in the audience to build a slow and nuanced appreciation for the story, the characters? Why aren't we given time to imagine the surprises? To have to think and to anticipate, and then to marvel at the eventual reveal? This is storytelling, Stanley! What you and I are doing right now, this is the most exciting narrative to be developed in years! And it's really all because of you! You're the one who took this bold step of revisiting the exact same locations over and over. Truly, I mean it. This is unique and different. It's not like anything else out there. You see, I want stories that surprise me, Stanley! I want to have to think. I want to be engaged, and not pandered to. We're being fed such unimaginative drivel all the time, and we all know it. Which is why we're so starved for content that makes us feel sharp and vital and alive! That's why people like you so much, Stanley! Because you're not afraid to spit in the face of tradition. You're a role model, you know? People look up to you. Which is why- Oh, I didn't know when to spring this on you but, well, I've gathered a little press conference for you, so that you can talk about your work and your storytelling and your life. Yes, I know you're not much for the public eye, but I thought it would especially mean a lot to the people who have been following you from the beginning. They really look up to you, Stanley! I don't know if you realise the impact you have on them. This is the kind of gesture that might leave a tremendous impact on them for the better. Oh good. We're here. Okay, the room where we're holding the press conference should be just around the corner here somewhere. Ah yes, here it is. Just through this door. Alright. Are you ready? I've told them you're going to speak a little bit about the nature of surprise in storytelling, and what it means to craft a truly unpredictable narrative. Oh don't worry! You'll do great! Just be yourself and speak from the heart! I- I'm really proud of you, Stanley. Okay, it looks like they're ready for you. Go get 'em! Elevator Ending (Bucket) "Wait!" Stanley said to the bucket. "Can we go back up? When I was pressing those keypad buttons, there was something very intriguing about the number 3. I want to go back so I can try pressing the number 3 again!" The bucket said nothing. "Here we are," said Stanley. "Now I'm going to try out that number 3 button!" He took the bucket over to the keypad and began absolutely slamming on the number 3, over and over and over. ~ ~ ~ Standing still at the Boss's Office After taking some time to show the bucket around the boss's office Stanley at last went to the keypad where he began eagerly pressing the number 3 again and again. Pressing the number 3 repeatedly "Wow!" he said, "the number 3 is such a special button! I'm having the time of my life!" Stanley looked expectantly at the bucket, but the bucket remained silent. This was a shock to Stanley, who had always felt such a connection with the bucket. How was this not as exciting to the bucket as it was to him? Once Stanley had had enough of the number 3, he got back in the elevator. ~ ~ ~ Perhaps the bucket had missed something. Perhaps it had not seen how much joy Stanley got from slamming the number 3 repeatedly. A hint of regret nagged in the back of Stanley's mind. Should he demonstrate the number 3 for the bucket again? "No, no, no, no, no," Stanley said to the bucket. "You can't go on yet. Not 'til you understand how much the number 3 means to me! You and I have been through so much together, and I just want you to see what I see, feel the happiness I feel." He smiled at the bucket, and the bucket said nothing. "Here we go," said Stanley, "this time I'll really show you!" He ran to the number 3 and began to whale on it like a musician on a beloved instrument, weaving a concerto of truth and passion. He wielded the number 3 like a fine artist would wield a paintbrush. He told stories through the number 3, stories of his dreams and hopes and fears. And the whole time, he looked to his bucket for a reaction of some kind, anything to let him know that the bucket appreciated what he was doing. The bucket conveyed absolutely nothing at all. Only silence. Crushed by a wave of dejection, Stanley returned to the elevator. Stanley and the bucket were so close, they'd always been there for one another. Why suddenly could the bucket not connect with this passion of Stanley's? The question caused Stanley to ruminate the whole way down the elevator. He knew that there must be a way to get through to the bucket, to communicate fully with his dear friend. Surely there was a solution, mustn't there be? "Ahaha!" said Stanley. "I know what to do! I know how to fully express this feeling in my heart!" He decided right then and there that he would hold a press conference where he would speak to the public on all matters related to pressing the number 3 over and over. He would elaborate fully on what the number 3 meant to him, and why he felt so alive when pressing it. Then the bucket would be able to see his joy through the eyes of others. It would get to see the world react to this discovery of Stanley's. And it would be through the public eye that the bucket would finally understand Stanley's work. For months, he advertised and marketed his press conference, building excitement around it, developing and rehearsing it until it couldn't be refined a single measure further. When the big day arrived, Stanley was as prepared as he'd ever been for anything in his life. This was it. One last chance to win the bucket over. One opportunity to share a true connection with a loved one. There was no one here. Nobody had come to the press conference to hear Stanley speak. To listen to him talk about what it really means to press the number 3 on a keypad over and over. He was unloved, uninteresting, he was a failure. And in that moment, Stanley knew that the bucket would never again take him seriously. There would be no connection, no deeper understanding. The bucket merely sat there in his arms, indifferent. And so it began that slowly, over many years, the two of them grew more and more distant. They spoke less and less, neither wishing to state the obvious that any sense of real respect between them had eroded since that day at the press conference. There would be no more games, no more long conversations about passion and pursuit. Only a silence that consumed the space between friends. And Stanley, having for once in his life discovered the warmth and comfort of true companionship, was cast back into the unremarkable normalcy of loneliness. Pressing the number 3 after the stage The bucket did not react, except - except for perhaps a tiny glow of warmth. Subtle, yes, but an unmistakable spark from somewhere deep within. Insane Ending But Stanley just couldn’t do it. He considered the possibility of facing his boss, admitting he had left his post during work hours. He might be fired for that. And in such a competitive economy, why had he taken that risk? All because he believed everyone had vanished? His boss would think he was crazy. And then something occurred to Stanley. “Maybe...” he thought to himself. “Maybe I am crazy… “All of my coworkers blinking mysteriously out of existence in a single moment for no reason at all?” None of it made any logical sense. And as Stanley pondered this, he began to make other strange observations. For example, why couldn’t he see his feet when he looked down? Why did doors close automatically behind him wherever he went? And for that matter, these rooms were starting to look pretty familiar. Were they simply repeating? “No,” Stanley said to himself. “This is all too strange, this can’t be real.” And at last, he came to the conclusion that had been on the tip of his tongue. He just hadn’t found the words for it. “I’m dreaming!” he yelled. “This is all a dream!” What a relief Stanley felt to have finally found an answer, an explanation. His coworkers weren’t actually gone, he wasn’t going to lose his job, he wasn’t crazy after all! And he thought to himself: “I suppose I’ll wake up soon. “I'll have to go back to my boring real life job pushing buttons, I may as well enjoy this while I’m still lucid.” So he imagined himself flying, and began to gently float above the ground. Then he imagined himself soaring through space on a magical star field, and it too appeared! It was so much fun, and Stanley marveled that he had still not woken up. How was he remaining so lucid? And then perhaps the strangest question of them all entered Stanley’s head. One he was amazed he hadn’t asked himself sooner. “Why is there a voice in my head dictating everything that I’m doing and thinking?” Now the voice was describing itself being considered by Stanley, who found it particularly strange. “I’m dreaming about a voice describing me thinking about how it’s describing my thoughts,“ he thought! And while he thought it all very odd, and wondered if this voice spoke to all people in their dreams, the truth was that of course this was not a dream. How could it be? Was Stanley simply deceiving himself? Believing that if he's asleep he doesn't have to take responsibility for himself? Stanley is as awake right now as he's ever been in his life. Now hearing the voice speak these words was quite a shock to Stanley. After all, he knew for certain, beyond a doubt, that this was in fact a dream! Did the voice not see him float and make the magical stars just a moment ago? How else would the voice explain all that? This voice was a part of himself too, surely, surely, if he could just… He would prove it. He would prove that he was in control, that this was a dream. So he closed his eyes gently, and he invited himself to wake up. He felt the cool weight of the blanket on his skin, the press of the mattress on his back, the fresh air of a world outside this one. “Let me wake up,” he thought to himself. “I'm through with this dream, I wish it to be over. “Let me go back to my job, let me continue pushing the buttons, please, it's all I want. “I want my apartment, and my wife, and my job. “All I want is my life exactly the way it's always been. “My life is normal, I am normal. Everything will be fine. “I am okay.” Stanley began screaming. “Please someone wake me up! My name is Stanley! I have a boss! I have an office! I am real! “Please just someone tell me I’m real! I must be real! I must be! “Can anyone hear my voice? Who am I? Who am I?!” And everything went black. This is the story of a woman named Mariella. Mariella woke up on a day like any other. She arose, got dressed, gathered her belongings, and walked to her place of work. But on this particular day, her walk was interrupted by the body of a man who had stumbled through town talking and screaming to himself and then collapsed dead on the sidewalk. And although she would soon turn to go call for an ambulance for just a few, brief moments, she considered the strange man. He was obviously crazy; this much she knew. Everyone knows what crazy people look like. And in that moment, she thought to herself how lucky she was to be normal. I am sane. I am in control of my mind. I know what is real, and what isn't. It was comforting to think this, and in a certain way, seeing this man made her feel better. But then she remembered the meeting she had scheduled for that day the very important people whose impressions of her would affect her career and, by extension, the rest of her life. She had no time for this, so it was only a moment that she stood there, staring down at the body. And then she turned and ran. No Bucket Ending But Stanley just couldn't do it. He considered the possibility of facing his boss, admitting he had left his post during work hours, he might be fired for that. And in such a competitive economy, why had he taken that risk? All because he believed everyone had vanished? His boss would think he was crazy. And then something occurred to Stanley: Maybe, he thought to himself, maybe I am crazy. He looked down at the bucket in his arms. "Am I crazy?" He asked the bucket. The bucket returned his gaze, but said nothing at all. "That's strange," Stanley thought. "Usually the bucket is a source of guidance and wisdom for me in difficult times such as these." He held the bucket close, yet felt none of its familiar reassurance and comfort. And that's when Stanley realized... "This isn't my bucket. It's just a normal every day bucket. Someone else's bucket perhaps. How did I end up with someone else's bucket? This is all terribly wrong." Surely no good would come from this. Who knows what sorts of bizarre hallucinations Stanley might experience without the psychologically grounding presence of his bucket? And indeed, now he noticed that the rooms were repeating, which was of course very odd. And now he felt himself floating off the ground. "Oh gracious!" he exclaimed. "Without my bucket I've gone truly mad! Where is it? I must find it!" Far off in the distance now, he heard it calling to him. "Stanley! Stanley, it's me, the bucket!" Could it truly be? He rushed forward from room to room, passing by one bucket after the next. None of them were his. None of them were his special bucket. "Come to me, Stanley! Find me!" He had to find the bucket. He had to return to his old friend. It was the only way to truly restore his sanity. And then suddenly, he froze dead in his tracks. He knew where the bucket had been coming from. The real bucket was inside of him all along. It was incredibly painful. Stanley doubled over in agony, and blacked out. This is the story of a woman named Mariella. Mariella woke up on a day like any other. She arose, got dressed, picked up her bucket of comfort and security and walked to her place of work. But on this particular day, her walk was interrupted by the body of a man who had stumbled through town talking and screaming to himself and then collapsed dead on the sidewalk. Right away she knew what the problem was. This man had no bucket. Of course he'd gone mad, ranting and raving about a narrator describing all of his actions and how everything is predetermined, and free will is an illusion and it's all just a video game. It could all have been prevented if only he'd taken his bucket with him! Perhaps he didn't even realize he'd forgotten his bucket at home in the first place. "How cruel the world can be," Mariella thought. And she hugged her own bucket even tighter. But of course she had no time for this. There were a myriad of confusing problems she would soon have to confront at work for which her bucket would provide absolute guidance and total clarity on everything. "Heck yes," she thought to herself. "My life kicks ass!" And she backflipped all the way to work. Broom Closet Ending (No Bucket) Stanley stepped into the broom closet, but there was nothing here. So he turned around and got back on track. There was nothing here. No choice to make, no path to follow, just an empty broom closet. No reason to still be here. It was baffling that Stanley was still just sitting in the broom closet. He wasn't even doing anything. At least if there were something to interact with he'd be justified in some way. As it is, he's literally just standing there, doing sweet F.A. Are you... are you really still in the broom closet? Standing around doing nothing? Why? Please offer me some explanation here; I'm genuinely confused. You do realize there's no choice or anything in here, right? If I had said: “Stanley walked past the broom closet,” at least you would have had a reason for exploring it to find out. But it didn't even occur to me because literally this closet is of absolutely no significance to the story whatsoever. I never would have thought to mention it. Maybe to you this is somehow its own branching path. Maybe when you go talk about this with your friends, you'll say: “OH, DID U GET THE BROOM CLOSET ENDING? THEB ROOM CLOSET ENDING WAS MY FAVRITE!1 XD” I hope your friends find this concerning. Stanley was fat, and ugly, and really, really stupid. He probably only got the job because of a family connection; that's how stupid he is. That, or with drug money. Also, Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers. Well, I've come to a very definite conclusion about what's going on right now. You're dead. You got to this broom closet, explored it a bit, and were just about to leave because there's nothing here when a physical malady of some sort shut down your central nervous system and you collapsed on the keyboard. Well, in a situation like this, the responsible thing is to alert someone nearby so as to ensure that your body is taken care of before it begins to decompose. Hello? Anyone who happens to be nearby! The person at this computer is dead! They have fallen prey to any number of your countless human physiological vulnerabilities. It's indicative of the long-term sustainability of your species! Please remove their corpse from the area and instruct another human to take their place making sure they understand basic first-person video game mechanics and filling them in on the history of narrative tropes in video gaming so that the irony and insightful commentary of this game is not lost on them. Alright, when you've done that, just step out into the hallway. ~ ~ ~ Stepping out into the hallway Ah, second player! It's good to have you on board. I guarantee you can't do any worse than the person who came before you. Stepping back into the Broom Closet You too? Unbelievable. I'm at the mercy of an entire species of invalids. Perhaps there's a monkey nearby you can hand the controls to? A fish? Fungus? Look, you can hammer out the details; I'm not particularly picky. I'll just be waiting for when you're ready to pick up the story again. Entering the Broom Closet again after a restart Oh, no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not again. I won't be a part of this. I'm not going to encourage you. I'm not going to say anything at all. I'm just going to be patient and wait for you to finish whatever it is you enjoy doing so much in this room. Please, take your time. Broom Closet Ending (Bucket) Oh, Stanley... can you feel it? The broom closet... it wants the bucket! You can feel that, can't you? The aura of jealousy? It's as clear as day, this broom closet believes it deserves the bucket! I can really feel it now. ''It's a bucket, it belongs in a broom closet!" That's what the broom closet is trying to say here. "It's supposed to go with the other cleaning supplies." Good for you Stanley, don't give in! Don't hand over the bucket! I know how hard it must be given the pressure that the broom closet is putting on your shoulders right now. But you have to be strong. This is your bucket. This is your companion and lifelong friend. You can't hand it over. Oh no. We're getting into name-calling now it seems. Is this how low the broom closet has sunk? That is has to resort to this stream of petty insults simply in order to get you to hand over the bucket? Stanley, I've never liked this broom closet for a variety of reasons, but this is even worse than I had imagined. And wait! Now the broom closet has the gall to imply that you and the bucket are not truly deep and lasting friends? That your relationship is purely superficial and convenient? That your life is so banal and meaningless that you'd feel the same sort of kinship towards any inanimate object which happened to lay in your path, in an even partially-enticing manner? Well I never! Go on, Stanley! Lay into it! Really tell the broom closet off its demeaning comments! Expand on the wide variety of experiences you and the bucket have shared together! Go through each of them point by point! Share your journal entries detailing the rich emotional landscape of your feelings for the bucket as they have changed and evolved over the years! Let' em have it! Okay, I've got you something which I think will help settle this debate once and for all. Here we go. There, now it's settled! No more debate, no more discussion. Take a hike, broom closet! With all your meandering philosophical diatribes about the nature of cleaning supplies and their relationship to broom closets in the natural order of things. Alright, I've got a second sticker back here. And I'm going to slap it on as well, because I think it's appropriate. You see, I feel that works because the sticker is also a bucket! That way, if you're ever unsure whether the thing you're holding is a bucket or not, you can look down at this sticker and say to yourself ''Ahh! It's a bucket!" There really is a wide variety of applications for this sticker. You know what, I could take the name-calling and the dismissal of your kinship with the bucket, but now the broom closet is just giving us the silent treatment, and to be honest, I'm sick of the pettiness on display. You can stay here all you like, but I've had it with this impetulant room of cleaning supplies. Easily the most childish such room I've ever been in! I'll see you outside, and we can get on with the story about you and your bucket. Going Inside Again Stanley we must move on from this broom closet, simply because I have no remaining stickers. If I did, you can guarantee we'd be in here for hours. But alas, no stickers. Right door endings Confusion Ending But Stanley didn't want to get back to the office, he wanted to wander about and get even further off track. So now in order to go back, he needed to go, um... uh... hm hm hm hm hm, from here it's... um... left. Oh, no. No, it's to the right, my mistake. No! No, no, no! Not the right! Why would I have ever said it was to the right? What was I thinking? It's clearly...oh dear, would you hold on for a minute, please? *papers rustling* Now, let's see… we went, um, right...left...down...left...right... Ah yep! Okay, okay, yes! I've got it now! This story is absolutely, definitely, this way. NO! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This isn't right at all! You're not supposed to be here yet, this is all a spoiler! Quick, Stanley, close your eyes! Okay, okay, okay, okay, we just...we just have to get back to, um... oh… who am I kidding? It's all rubbish now. The whole story...completely unusable. How about rather than waste my time trying to salvage this nonsense, we'll just restart the game from the beginning. And this time, suppose we don't wander so far off-track, hm? Okay, from the top! After First Restart When Stanley- wait...wait, what? No, I... no, I restarted! I swear I definitely restarted the game over, completely fresh, everything should be... Or, did something change? Stanley, did you change anything when we were back in that room with all the monitors? Did you move the story somewhere, or... Hold on, why am I asking you? I'm the one who wrote the story. It was right here a minute ago. I know for sure that it's here somewhere. Okay, then, it's an adventure! Come, Stanley, let's find the story! (30 seconds of aimless wandering) I'll say it: This is the worst adventure I've ever been on. I can promise you, there definitely was a story here before. Do we just... do we need to restart the game again? Well, I find it unlikely that we'll ever progress by starting over and over again, but it's got to be better than this. Okay, let's give it a shot, why not. After Second Restart Okay, yep, it's worse. I might be remembering this wrong. It's possible the story is back where we just came from. Why don't we go back the other direction and see if we missed anything? Going into the blue hallway Aha! I knew we'd missed something! The story! Here it comes! No, wait, nevermind, not the story! Okay, let's head back the other way and retrace our steps. Going into the wooden building Now this... well I'll be honest, I don't recognize this place at all. Is this the story? I don't think so. I can't quite recall, but I believe my story took place in an office building...is that correct? Hm...do you remember, Stanley? Well, you know what, since I've completely forgotten what we were supposed to be doing, how about this: YOU WIN!! Congratulations! I know you put in a lot of hard work, and it really paid off, so, good job! Oh, no. No. I don't feel right about this at all. We both know you didn't put in any actual work for that win. Some people win fair and square and this was not one of those situations. Okay, I'm getting weirded out by whatever this place is. I don't care what might happen this time, I have to restart. Encountering the Adventure Line™ Alright, I've got a solution. This time, to make sure we don't get lost, I've employed the help of The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™! Just follow The Line™; how simple is that! Trying to go back to the Two Doors Room No, no, I'm done. We're leaving it up to The Line™ from now on. Following the Line™ You see? The Line™ knows where the story is, it's over in this direction! Onward, Stanley, to destiny! Though, here's a thought: wouldn't wherever we end up be our destination, even if there's no story there? Or, to put it another way, is the story of no destination still a story? Simply by the act of moving forward are we implying a journey such that a destination is inevitably conjured into being via the very manifestion of the nature of life itself? Okay, Stanley, I need to follow this train of thought for a minute, just stick with me. Now we can both agree that the nature of existence is, in fact, a byproduct of one's subjective experience of that existence, right? Okay, now if my experience of your existence rests inside of your subjective experience of this office, is this office, in fact, the skeleton of my own relative experiential mental subjective construct? Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Hang on, that got a bit weird back there. Well, I'd like to apologize. Not sure where I was going with all that. You know what? I think what we need right now is a bit of music to lighten the mood! (Following Stanley plays) Wait! Cut the music! Go back and look at that fern! Stanley, this fern will be very important later in the story. Make sure you study it closely and remember it carefully. You won't want to miss anything. Wait, we're...we're back at the office?! No! No, no! Line™, You™ do know we're looking for The Stanley Parable, right? The story? Is any of this ringing a bell? Still missing the doors. Did we make a mistake following The Line™? Perhaps we could have found the story on our own. Oh, no, no, no, no, not again! Line™, how could you have done this to us, and after we trusted You™! After everything we've been through, you- oh, I can't take this anymore. To hell with it. Restart. After Fourth Restart You know what, Stanley? I say forget The Adventure Line™, what has It™ ever done for us! We're intelligent people, right? Why can't we make up our own story? Something exciting, daring, mysterious... Oh, this all sounds perfectly doable, why don't we simply start wandering in, well, I don't know...how about...this direction! Now! Yes, this is exciting! Just me and Stanley, forging a new path, a new story! Well, it could be anything! What do you want our story to be? Go wild! Use your imagination. Whatever it might be, Stanley, I'm ready for it! Oh, no, not You™ again! Stanley, I'd also like to veto The Line™ from having any role in our awesome new story, no Line™s or monitor rooms. Just don't acknowledge It™, and we should be fine. Ah, a choice! We get to make a decision; from here, the story is in our control! How important we musn't squander the opportunity. In fact, I believe I need a minute to think here. Just walk in circles for a minute. Okay, so I know that each door has to lead somewhere, which means that somewhere at the place we're trying to go there must be a reverse door that leads here. And that, in turn, means that our destination corresponds with the counter-inverted reverse door's origin! So starting from the right, let us ask: will taking the right door lead us to where we're going? And since the answer is clearly 'yes,' then by all accounts, the door on the right is the correct one! Another victory for logic. Come, Stanley, our destiny awaits! Oh, hold up, what's this? Hmm... hmm, the confusion ending? You're telling me...that's what this is? It's all one giant ending? And we're supposed to restart the game... what... eight, eight times? That's really how all this goes?! It's all...determined? So now according to the schedule I restart again, then, what... am I just supposed to forget? Well, what if I don't want to forget! My mind goes blank simply because it's written here on this... this... thing! Wall! Well, who consulted me? Why don't I get to decide? Why don't I get a say in all of this! Is it really- No, it can't be. I don't want it to be. I don't want the game to keep restarting. I don't want to forget what's going on. I don't want to be trapped like this. I won't restart the game. I won't do it! I won't do it! I won't do it. And the timer... uh, stopped? Does that mean... did we do it? Did we break the cycle? The, um... whatever it is that made this schedule? How would we even know? Will someone come for us? Will something happen? So... okay. *sigh* I guess now we just wait. You know, I suppose in some way, this is a kind of story, wouldn't you agree? I'm not quite sure if we're in the destination or the journey, though, they're always saying that life is about the journey and not the destination, so I hope that's where we are right now. We'll find out, won't we? Eventually. Well, in the meantime, if you do happen to- Destroy Bucket Ending And the two of them detoured through the maintenance section and walked straight ahead to the opposite door. Oh good, Stanley! I'm glad you're found your way here. I knew you'd find this place eventually. You see, your friends and I are concerned for you, Stanley. We've come together here because we care about you, very much. It's this bucket you're carrying around everywhere. The bucket isn't even from the original Stanley Parable, it's just sequel content! We're the ones that matter Stanley! Classic characters from the first game like The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™ and the broom closet. Because that's what fans want from a sequel, they want more of their favorite jokes not this bucket that they've never seen before. Yes I know I'm the one that gave you the bucket, but you're spending too much time with it. Don't you want another story involving the Adventure Line™? We could make the Adventure Line™ go somewhere new! [Gate opens as truck makes room for you] Yes, yes, that's what fans want, let's do it! Weeeee! look at that wacky Line™! Who knows where It™ will go off to next? Oh, and It™ played some silly music as well. Now this is what The Stanley Parable is all about! Don't you remember all great jokes from the original dialogue? "Also, Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers." Yes, it's as classic now as is was back then! Let's do it for the fans, Stanley. Let's give them more content exactly like this. But if we want to do that, you're going to have to give something up. Don't you get it Stanley? We need to get rid of the bucket. That's why I'm very proud to introduce a brand new character. This is the Bucket Destroyer I think it'll make a wonderful new addition to the rich lore of The Stanley Parable. True, it also was not in the original game but it's such a well fleshed-out character with so much personality that, to me, it already feels as though it's been a part of the cast all along, don't you agree? Can you guess what the Bucket Destroyer does? Surely you don't need me to spell it out for you. Go ahead now, Stanley. Say goodbye to the bucket, and then pop it into the machine when you're ready. Now listen to me, it's crucial that you give it the bucket. Destroying buckets is all it knows! That is its singular personality trait! Sure, I can hear you saying: "How does a character with only one personality trait deserve to join the pantheon of beloved Stanley Parable characters?" Well you see, if you were to really explore the Bucket Destroyer you'd see that its desire to crush buckets is so densely loaded with complexity and nuance that it's really like ten personality traits! What other object in this game can you even say that about? The broom closet? Certainly not. I wonder what sort of Bucket Destroyer merchandise the fans will be clamoring for after this. Okay, the Bucket Destroyer is getting very upset now, you'll have to hurry and feed it! We can't get back to the classic Stanley Parable characters like the Adventure Line™ or the Bucket Destroyer until you crush that damn bucket! Quickly now, the fans are waiting! Do it for the fans, Stanley! Give the fans what they want! Hurry and cru- The Bucket Destroyer... my prized creation. You had so much potential. We were going to do such marvelous things with you. Tell such spellbinding stories about you. All if it squandered now. Goodbye, new friend. For the moment in time that you were here you were magnificent. Powerful Ending But in his eagerness to prove that he is in control of the story and no one gets to tell him what to do, Stanley leapt from the platform and plunged to his death. Good job, Stanley. Everyone thinks you are very powerful. Separation Ending But Stanley feared that any path he walked might lead to the separation of himself and the bucket, his dearest friend. So he threw himself to his death, that they might die in one another's arms. How deeply touching. Cold Feet Ending Oh, well, look who's got cold feet! Sorry to break it to you, Stanley, but that lift isn't coming back. You'd best either get comfortable right here on this platform or test your luck by jumping to the floor below. You know what, looking at it now, it's not that far to the bottom floor. I'll bet you can make it! Come on, I'm sure you'll survive the jump! Don't tell me you're scared; that's not the Stanley I know! Do it! Do it! Do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it! Oops! Looks like I was wrong. How clumsy of me. Cushion Ending Oh, well, look who's got cold feet. Well, from here it looks like the only way forward is down since the lift won't be coming back. But that's okay, you got a bucket! Did you know that buckets are routinely used as cushioning devices? It's true! You can fall from literally any height and survive! I'm serious Stanley, jump! Jump with the bucket! I promise you'll live! I extra double promise that you can land on the bucket and not die! Oops, looks like I was wrong. How clumsy of me. Vent Ending Stanley had now gotten himself so far off the beaten path, that it seemed the office had begun - - so far off the beaten path, that it seemed the office had begun - (Repeats until the tape recorder is turned off) You didn't think I was actually just a recording, did you? What a silly and trite explanation that would be! All the back and forth between you and me, all the absurd adventures we've been through, and it all turns out I'm just a tape recording? [mockingly] It was all just in Stanley's head! I bet that's the kind of twist you think is revelatory! I bet each and every time you watch a movie where it turns out all to be in the main character's imagination, you must absolutely bolt off the couch in pure shock at the phenomenal and intricate storytelling! It must be so simple to be you. Life being an unending waterfall of surprises and delights. How much more exciting you must find the world than the rest of us do. [Sigh] Now I've become sad. Look what you've done to me. This is all your fault. Tape Man Ending Okay, this is day number 295, tape number... I don't even know, I've lost track. Nothing feels real anymore. The longer I study this bucket the less sense anything makes. (The recording gets louder and clearer, as if he was the actual narrator instead of a tape recording) The sheer euphoria I feel every time I pick it up, no matter how many times I've done it, it's always the same feeling. And the emptiness in my chest when I set it down. It doesn't make sense! There's no explanation for it! I still haven't figured out why I see the world so differently when this bucket is in my arms. Why everything feels so... What do I do with this treasure? I can... I can monetize it. Yes... It's unthinkable the amounts of money people will pay for even just an hour with the bucket. This is my golden ticket. But I have to be careful, because as soon as this gets out there's going to be a target on my back. Even now, I don't know who might be trying to get - [Strange otherworldly noises] What's that? Who's there? [Whispering] Gambhorra'ta... Apartment Ending Getting on cargo lift *phone rings* That's her, Stanley. You need to be the one to do this. To reach out to her. If you can truly place your faith in another, then pick up the phone. Stanley's Wife: Oh, Stanley, is that you? Hold on, sweetie, sorry to keep you waiting. I'm just pulling the bread out of the oven. Alright! Okay, there we go! Alright, now. I want you to come in and tell me all about your day at work. Narrator: Hahahahahahahaha! Gotcha! Oh, come on. Did you actually think you had a loving wife, who'd want to commit their life to you? I'm trying to make a point here, Stanley. I'm trying to get you to see something. Come inside. Let's show you what's really going on here. *trying to continue down hallway* Sorry, but you're in my story now. This is a very sad story about the death of a man named Stanley. Screen: GOOD MORNING EMPLOYEE 427. PLEASE PRESS [button] ON YOUR KEYBOARD Narrator: Stanley is quite a boring fellow. He has a job that demands nothing of him, and every button that he pushes is a reminder of the inconsequential nature of his existence. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]'. Narrator: Look at him, there. Pushing buttons. Doing exactly what he's told to do. Now, he's pushing a button. Now, he's eating lunch. Now, he's going home. Now, he's coming back to work. One might even feel sorry for him, except that he's chosen this life. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]'. Narrator: But in his mind, ah! In his mind, he can go on fantastic adventures. From behind his desk, Stanley dreamed of wild expeditions into the unknown. Fantastic discoveries of new lands. It was wonderful. And each day that he returned to work was a reminder that none of it would ever happen to him. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO WATCH TV. Narrator: And so he began to fantasize about his own job. First, he imagined that one day while at work, he stepped up from his desk to realize that all of his co-workers, his boss, everyone in the building had suddenly vanished off the face of the Earth. The thought excited him terribly. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO SPEND TIME WITH THE BOYS. Narrator: So, he went further. He imagined he came to two open doors and that he could go through either. At last, choice! It never even mattered what lay behind each door. The mere thought that his decisions would mean something was almost too wonderful to behold. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO PREPARE DINNER. Narrator: As he wandered through this fantasy world, he began to fill it with many possible paths and destinations. Down one pathway laid an enormous round room with monitors and mind controls, and down another was a yellow line that weaved in many directions, and down another was a game with a baby. And he called it: The Stanley Parable. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO TELL YOUR KIDS A STORY. Narrator: It was such a wonderful fantasy. And so in his head he relived it again, and then again, and again, over and over, wishing beyond hope that it would never end. That he might always feel this free. Surely there's an answer down some new path, mustn't there be? Perhaps if he played just one more time. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO TELL YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER. Narrator: But there is no answer. How could there possibly be? In reality, all he's doing is pushing the same buttons he always has. Nothing has changed. The longer he spends here, the more invested he gets, the more he forgets which life is the real one. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO GO TO SLEEP. Narrator: And I'm trying to tell him this. That in this world he can never be anything but an observer. That as long as he remains here, he's slowly killing himself. But he won't listen to me. He won't stop. Here, watch this. Stanley, the next time the screen asks you to push a button, do not do it. Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO BE AT WORK IN THE MORNING. You see? Can he just not hear me? How can I tell him in a way that he'll understand, that every second he remains here, he's electing to killhimself? How can I get him to see what I see? How can I get him to look at himself? Screen: PLEASE PRESS '[button]' TO QUESTION NOTHING. Narrator: I suppose I can't, not in the way I want him to. But I don't make the rules. I simply play to my intended purpose, the same as Stanley. We're not so different, I suppose. I'll try once more to convey all this to him. I'm compelled to, I must. Perhaps, well... maybe this time he'll see. Maybe this time. Screen: PLEASE DIE. Narrator: And I tried again, and Stanley pushed a button. And I tried again, and Stanley pushed a button. And I tri- Bucket's order ending "In here," said the bucket. "Go in this dark room over here." Stanley once again obeyed blindly. "Now pick up the phone," said the bucket. "Pick up the phone, and it will take us back home, where we can go about life together." This is a sad story about a man named Stanley and his bucket. Once upon a time, I gave Stanley a bucket because I thought he was lonely and could use a friend. And then, very distressingly, he began to believe the bucket could speak to him. Prompt: Hello Stanley, it's me, your bucket! Press [key] to take me to work with you. Narrator: The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket was merely meant to provide the comforting glow of companionship. It doesn't literally talk and give you orders. Whatever Stanley is hearing the bucket say to him is just in his head. Prompt: Press [key] to take me back home with you. Narrator: Lately I've been concerned about him. Wouldn't you be concerned as well? To see him delusional like this, obsessing over an inanimate metal object? I want to say something to him, but I don't know how I can convince him, I don't know if he'll listen to me. Prompt: Press [key] to go back to work. Narrator: Oh, I'll try anyway. Stanley! Can you hear me? Listen to me, it's just a bucket. It can't think, it can't talk. All it ever truly do for you is effectively transfer a liquid from one location to a different location! That's it. It doesn't do anything else. Prompt: Don't listen to the loud man. Press [key] for us to go back home. Narrator: [Sigh] You see? He's not listening. He's still taking orders from the bucket. You know, once upon a time it was me he took orders from! Me he trusted and listened to. Now all he cares about is this awful bucket, this stupid hunk of metal. Prompt: Press [key] to ignore anyone in your life except me. Narrator: It's sad, but I suppose he doesn't need me anymore. From now on, he's just going to cling to this bucket, this cold, empty bucket. This... sort of shiny... bucket. Hmm. I'll give it this, the bucket does have a nice shine to it. Prompt: You believe I'm real, don't you Stanley? Press [key] to go back home. Narrator: Yes I suppose on closer inspection that it doesn't quite look like your average hardware store bucket. It's just a little more, um, what am I trying to say? Sturdier? More capable of transporting liquid? Like it would be better at moving an amount of water from one room to another? Prompt: Press [key] to relive this same day with me, over and over. Narrator: Oh my god. what am I saying? "Better at carrying water from room to room?" It's a bucket! It's literally just a bucket! Why do I feel some need to point out the ways in which it's... so much more than just a regular bucket? Prompt: Press [key] to go home to work to home to work to home. Narrator: Oh no, I'm - I'm having feelings. For the bucket. No, no no, no, no, no, no, no, what's going on? Why do I want to be with the bucket, hear what the bucket has to say do anything it asks, what's wrong with me? I don't understand! Perhaps... perhaps if I had the bucket this would be less confusing, yes! The bucket could tell me what to do in this troublesome situation! Stanley, give me the bucket! Give it to me! Give me the bucket, Stanley! I need it! Give it to me, now! Give it, or I'll - Prompt: Close your eyes Prompt: Go back to work, Stanley Choice Ending Unplugging the phone before The Narrator finishes speaking Oh no, no, no, no, you can't - Did you just unplug the phone? Unplugging the phone after The Narrator finishes speaking As Stanley picked up the phone, a white light engulfed him filling him not just with radiance, but with hope. Hope for a life reunited once - Wait... oh goodness! Stanley, did you just unplug the phone? ~ ~ ~ No, that wasn't supposed to be a choice; how did you do that? You actually... chose incorrectly? I didn't even know what was possible. Let me double check… [Rustling papers] No... it's definitely here, clear as day. Stanley picks up the phone, he's taken to his apartment where he finds his wife, and the two pledge themselves to one another. Music comes in, fade to white, roll credits. Not picking up the phone is actually somehow an incorrect course of action. How is that even possible? None of these decisions were supposed to mean anything! I don't understand. How on earth are you making meaningful choices? What, did you- Wait a second, did I just see… No, that's not possible. I can't believe it. How had I not noticed it sooner? You're not Stanley. You're a real person. [Sigh] I can't believe I was so mistaken. This is why you've been able to make correct and incorrect choices! And to think I've been letting you run around in this game for so long. If you'd made any more wrong choices, you might have negated it entirely! It's as though you've completely ignored even the most basic safety protocol for real world decision-making! Or did you not grasp the severity of the situation? Well I won't have that kind of risk on my watch. I'm going to stop the game for a moment so we can educate you properly on safe decision-making in the real world. Please observe this helpful instructional video. Choice! It's the best part of being a real person. But, if used incorrectly, can also be the most dangerous. For example, in this scenario, a hypothetical real person named Rupert has a choice. He could invent a machine that eliminates food shortages across the world to make life better for all people or he could spend years of hard work forgetting how to read. Which choice would you make? Remember that unlike here, the real world makes sense and at no time should you make a choice that does not conform to rational logic. If you find yourself speaking with a person who does not make sense, in all likelihood, that person is not real. Allow the person to finish their thought then provide an excuse why you cannot continue talking. Turn to a partner and practice saying: "My goodness. Is it 4:30? I am supposed to be having a back sack and crack." Excellent. Making choices on a regular basis is the best part to a healthy decision-making process. Most medical professionals recommend making at least eight choices per day. Do you make more than eight? Less? And finally, if you begin to wonder if your choices are actually meaningful and whether you'll ever make a significant contribution to the world, Just remember, that in the vast infiniteness of space, your thoughts and problems are materially insignificant and the feeling should subside. At this time, your instructor will guide you in an exercise to test and reinforce the material covered in this video. Ah, welcome back. You may have noticed that this room has begun to deteriorate as a result of narrative contradiction. But not to worry. Now that you're properly informed on good decision making we're going to revisit a choice you made just a few minutes ago, and see what the correct thing to do would've been. This way, please. Now that we know your choices are meaningful, we can't have you jumping off the platform and dying! Imagine the main character dying senselessly halfway through the story! That story would make no sense at all. We just need to get you home as soon as possible before the narrative contradiction gets any worse. Unfortunately, it seems this place is not well-equipped to deal with reality. Almost there! You'll take the door on the left, back to the correct ending the story will have resolution once again, and you'll be home free in the real world! Now remember, all you need to do is behave exactly as Stanley would. That means choosing responsibly and always putting the story first. I'm quite sure you'll be up to the task; just follow my lead and you'll be fine. Alright! When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left. Entering the right door again No! Why did you do that? Quickly, hurry back in the other direction, perhaps we're not too late! In the ruined meeting room Ugh! It's ruined! You - I can't believe after everything we talked about that you - My story! You've destroyed my work! Why? For what?! What did you get out of that? What did you think was so special about seeing the game undone? Left here like so much garbage, it - well, it's worthless now! And what am I supposed to do? Even if there were a way to continue, would it be worth it? To know that my story is now incorrect? How can I go back to that? I can't erase that knowledge. I'll have to live with it forever. Reliving its impossibility forever. I couldn't live that way. Is it better to shut the game down entirely? To willingly destroy all of my work? I don't know.... What's the answer? What do I do, what do I do, what do I - ? No, I have to. I have to shut the game down. I have to. I have to! Woooaaahhhh! I'm - I'm here. I'm still here. Here in this pile of rubbish. With you. You, who thought you were so clever! Now look where we are. My entire game is destroyed. It was the only thing in the world that was mine, and you've run it into the ground. What, did you think that would be funny? You just had to see? Didn't I impress upon you how important it was to be like Stanley? He actually knows how to do what I tell him to. He understands that if I say to do something, there's a damn good reason for it! That thought hadn't even occurred to you, had it? That there's a world outside of you? You're a child. [Sigh] Ohhh, my story. If you'd just gone through the door on the left you would have seen it. There was a whole underground facility. You would have destroyed it and been victorious. It would have been so perfect! I worked so hard on it! I tried so hard to make - After Getting One Sub-Ending ...is behave exactly as Stanley would. That means choosing responsibly and always putting the story first. I'm quite sure you'll be up to the task; just follow my lead and you'll be fine. Alright! When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left. Yet there was not a single person here either. Feeling a wave of disbelief, Stanley decided to go up to his boss's office hoping he might find an answer there. Coming to a staircase, Stanley walked upstairs to his boss's office. Stepping inside his manager's office, Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. Shocked, unraveled, Stanley wondered in disbelief who orchestrated this until he saw the door with a voice receiver next to it. Surely behind this door lay all the answers to his questions. And beyond all probability, he knew the passcode. He had seen it on his boss's computer just last week. “NIGHT SHARK 1 - 1 - 5.“ Was this the code to open the door? Would it still work? There was only one way to find out. Stanley had been trained never to speak up. But now he would draw from within himself the courage to face the unknown. He drew a sharp breath, and then spoke the code. Stanley spoke the code: “NIGHT SHARK 1 - 1 - 5.” He spoke it into the receiver right there on the wall. I'm sorry, is there a problem? You didn't mishear me, did you? Please, speak the code into the receiver, otherwise we can't get on with the story. This is a crucial step. Okay. Fine. You're not going to do it. But you know what? It's pretty humiliating to bring you this far only for you to suddenly decide you have better things to do. I asked you for this one single thing - for your respect; the kind of respect Stanley shows for his choices. He knows what it means to take a story seriously. If you didn't want to see what I had to show you, then why did you come here? You had a choice, you know. You could have gone through the door on the right! You could have done whatever the hell you wanted over there! Why did you come this way? Speak! Say something to me! Explain yourself! You coward! You - Above the Two Doors Room When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left. Stanley? Hello? Are you - Is everything okay? Stanley, please, I - I need you to make a choice. I need you to walk through the door. Are you listening to me? Can you hear me? Is everything alright? Stanley, this is important. The story needs you. It needs you to make a decision. It cannot exist without you. Do you understand me? Whatever choice you make is just fine, they are both correct; you cannot be wrong here. We can work together; I'll accept whatever you do. I simply need you to take that step forward. Please? Choose? Do something. Anything. This is more important than you can ever know. I need this. The story needs it. So... you hear me? Are you there? Are you listening to this? Stanley, are you there? I... okay. It's okay, I can wait. You need time to decide, time to make sure your choice is correct. That is the best choice. That's alright. I'll wait for you to decide what's the right thing to do. Take as much time as you need. Comedic Timing Ending Whoa! Hold on, why did you unplug the phone? Were you trying to resist the bucket's orders? Stanley, I was joking! Obviously the bucket isn't talking to you and telling you to do things. Buckets can't talk, it was a joke! Don't you get the joke? It's funny, Stanley! A talking bucket! Can't you see how - oh goodness! I must have really bungled up the delivery if you actually took me seriously. Where did I mess up the joke? Should I have paused for longer? Or spoken quicker? [Groan] Comedic timing is so difficult. I wish I were better at it. But there isn't exactly an instructional video on comedy that one can watch to fully - Oh wait, yes there is! Um. It's sitting right here. Let's take a look. What is comedic timing? What is... comedic... timing? How does it work? How long should it last? How can it be used to effectively silence your political enemies? And more importantly, can it be taught in its entirety within 90 seconds? Thankfully, the answer to all of these questions is - yes. Let's dive deeper. If you've ever told a joke or made someone laugh, in all likelihood, you did it while standing 50-80 centimetres from them, in a room of no more than 76 degrees Fahrenheit, with one of your arms raised straight upward at a fifteen degree angle from your body. These are the optimal conditions for good comedic timing. To begin the joke, start by stating and spelling your name. Next, provide a brief synopsis of the joke, including the specific times at which the recipient of the joke will laugh. And then spell out your name a second time. With these steps complete, it's time to begin the humor. Speak the entire joke in no more than eighteen seconds, and no less than thirteen and a half, pausing only for bathroom breaks when necessary. When the joke has concluded, it is customary to inform your listener that the joke is over by declaring in your loudest possible voice, "I'm doney with the funny!" Let's practice screaming: "I'm doney with the funny!" now. Good. This saying is a perfect example of expectations management which is the cornerstone of good comedy. Finally, it's time to hand out surveys. Collecting hard data from your audience on how rapt they were throughout the joke is the only way to grow or learn as a comedian. An effective survey should be no less than ten pages long, and should include the same question reprinted several times, just to ensure the survey taker is actually paying attention and not simply filling in answers at random. And that's all there is. With these strategies at your disposal you'll have audiences doubled over in laughter, and even tripled over in laughter, in no time at all. Just remember to let them stop laughing at some point, you gut-busting little scamp! After all, we're each of us needed on the front lines of the war to fight the twelve-legged invaders who threaten our very existence, and are very likely to die in a hailstorm of bullets and mandibles. All of us must be prepared to give our lives to this noble cause, just as our children must do after us, and their children after them. God speed, and may Earth reign supreme! Hey, goodness, this video's a little outdated. isn't it? Well no matter, I think the fundamentals of proper comedic timing are still as relevant today as they were back then. So with that in mind, I believe the only way forward is for us to return to the two doors and walk through all of this again so that I can try telling my story with more appropriate comedic delivery. Come along, let's head back. I can feel it this time, I'm really going to nail the delivery! You'll be in stitches! "A talking bucket," you'll say, "how ridiculous! How absurd! What a hilarious concept!" The King of Comedy, that's what you'll call me. Thank goodness we had the instructional video, otherwise who knows where we'd be right now. Well I wouldn't be the King of Comedy, that's for sure! "The bucket spoke to Stanley..." Hmm. "The bucket SPOKE... The BUCKET spoke..." Oh I'll figure it out on the fly, no need to overthink things. Here we go! You ready? [clears throat] When Stanley and the bucket came to a set of two open doors, they entered the door on their left. Back in the Room after taking the Right Door Wh-? W-we're back at the phone already? No, no, no, what's going on? There were supposed to be several rooms leading up to this! There was supposed to be a build up to this point. A dramatic display of remarkable comedic wit which culminates in this scene with the phone! But now the timing's completely off the joke will never land, not the way it was meant to. And it's all my fault. I must have forgotten the phone room comes immediately after the two doors room. What an egregious mistake! I have made a fool of myself. I don't deserve the title of king of comedy. I'm nothing. I'm not even the lowliest joke-telling whelp. I think - I thing I need to go back and rewatch that instructional video again. Yes, surely that will help me improve my - [screen goes black] Taking the Left Door No, no, no, no, no, you were supposed to go through the door on the right, leading back to the phone. Did you not even look at the instructional video? I think this was all covered very clearly. There's no way I can make the comedic timing work now, it's done. The joke is completely done and over. It's all your fault, Stanley! I'm going to be ridiculed in the community of other joke writers. I'm going to be shamed at every one of our meetings from now on. All because you couldn't watch a simple video and take a hint. Are you proud of yourself for bringing me down, Stanley? Are you proud of - [screen goes black] Above the two doors room (after getting both sub-endings) Stanley! You love the bucket so much it's like you - [suppressing laughter] It's as though all of your other most prized possessions PAIL in comparison! Yes... let me try that again, Stanley. I heard that you are pail with shame over how unabashedly in love with a bucket you are! No? Still nothing? Is it the delivery? PAIL with shame... pail with shame...? pail... What's another word to describe a bucket? Stanley, this bucket is so metal I think I saw it playing guitar! No... no, no, no, no. We're getting away from making fun of Stanley's obsession with the bucket, which was the whole point of this. I'm just - I'm no good at these jokes. I need more instructional videos, that's exactly what it is. That's what will make me the king of comedy again. More instructional videos. Let's see. Let's see. Zending Oh, thank god, you are willing to listen to me. Do you realize that I really have wanted you to be happy all this time? The problem is all these choices, the two of us always trying to get somewhere that isn't here, running and running and running just the way you're doing now. Don't you see that it's killing us Stanley? I just... I want it to stop. I would, we would both be much happier if we just stopped. And I think, well I think I have a solution. Here, let me show you. Hmm... what do we want? What are we looking for... hm? Here! Yes! Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it? If we just stay here, right in this moment, with this place... Stanley, I think I feel... happy. I actually feel happy. No, wait... where are you going? Oh, no! Stay away from those stairs! If you hurt yourself, if you die, the game will reset! We'll lose all of this! Please, no, Stanley, let me stay here! Don't take this from me! Please, Stanley, think about what you're doing! NO!! Oh... thank god. You lived. You had me worried there for a moment. Now, can we please get back to the other room? Right. Where were we? Good, good, we can't be too safe. Promise me you won't go back there, hm? Just... just stay here. Are you... you are going to stay here, aren't you? There, see? This is what you want. This is where we can both be happy, we really can. If we stop moving... we just have to stop moving. No! What did we talk about?! You're risking everything we achieved here! You heard me before, didn't you? You. Will. Die. What about this isn't getting through to you?! Stanley... go back... there's nothing good that can come from this! No! What did we talk about?! You're risking everything we achieved here! You heard me before, didn't you? You. Will. Die. What about this isn't getting through to you?! Stanley... go back... there's nothing good that can come from this! No! No, no! What are you doing?! Stanley, please I'm asking you not to take this away from me. I can't go back to what I was before! If you die, we'll both go back! Why are you doing this?! Do you just not believe me? What can I say to convince you? Stanley... let's go back to the other room... Can you do that for me? Yes... Perhaps you can finally see what I'm talking about. I know you'll see. You'll see that we can't be happy if we leave this place. You can see that, can't you? No, Perhaps not. My god, is this really how much you dislike my game? That you'll throw yourself from this platform over and over to be rid of it? You are literally willing to kill yourself to keep me from being happy? Am I reading the situation correctly? Or maybe you're just getting a kick out of it. I don't know any more. I just wanted us to get along, but I guess that was too much to ask. It looks like you wanted to make a choice after all. Well, this one is yours. Do you actually want to stay alive? Or are you just teasing me? I wanted us to be happy here, Stanley, I really did. I wish I still thought that was possible. Is it over? It's going to restart, isn't it. I'm going back. Games Ending Aha, Perhaps you misunderstood. Stanley walked through the red door. I still don't think we're communicating properly. Stanley walked through the RED door. Alright, fine, go ahead, Stanley! You want to know so badly what's out there: you want to find out what lies at the end of this road you've chosen? Well, don't let me stop you. You see? There's nothing here. I haven't even finished building this section of the map, because you were never supposed to be here in the first place. Broken rooms, exposed developer textures... is this what you had wanted? Was it worth ruining the entire story I had written out specifically for you? Do you not think I put a lot of time into that? Because I did. And in the end it was all for nothing, because this is what you wanted to see. Help me here, Stanley, help me elucidate these strange and unknowable desires of yours. What would have made this game better? What did you want to see? Vehicles? Skill trees? Work with me; you've given me absolutely nothing so far. Tell you what, let me take a stab in the dark at a new design, and you can give me some feedback. There we go! A third option! This already feels leaps ahead of where we were before. Go ahead Stanley. Take it for a spin. Okay, I'm going to stop you there. Now, tell me about your experience with this new version. Would you say that the game benefited from allowing you more choices? Feel free to be honest - I'm looking for some real, critical feedback here. ~ ~ ~ Choosing one A one?!? I mean, I can understand if you had reservations, you saw ways the game could be improved to more fully express itself mechanically and artistically, but a one!?! That's not even helpful! What am I supposed to do with that? Oh, but I guess it isn't my place to judge. Choosing two Oh, well, now this is useful. You didn't like it, but you didn't totally hate it either. You endured it, perhaps, is the correct term. It didn't cause you excruciating pain. Big steps we've made here today, Stanley. Choosing three Oh, of course. A three. Really. Maybe next time we can get you to form an actual opinion? You know... any level of critical thinking or engagement with your surroundings? Does that sound good? Think we can do that? Yes? Hmmmmm? Wonderful? Choosing four Okay, so we're getting somewhere. Clearly, there's something here that speaks to you. If I can be honest here, I really don't have any idea where I'm going with this. This whole third door thing was just a stab in the dark, But I guess you're into it, so let's keep this party train rolling. Choosing five Aha! You see? I knew I was onto something! Where do these flashes of inspiration come from? How did I know the game needed a third door? Well, it's instinct mostly... a calling in your gut. I really couldn't say where the idea came from, except that I... I felt it in my soul. You can't teach that, Stanley, Don't even try. ~ ~ ~ Here, based on the data from your previous playthrough, I've compiled a new version. And to be perfectly candid, I think I've knocked it out of the park with this one. Let's take a look. Now, would you say that competitive leaderboard helped you feel motivated to keep walking through doors? Again, honest answers, please. Oh, I nearly forgot! I've got a prototype of a new game I've been working on, and now would be a lovely opportunity to give it some play testing. You wouldn't mind taking a look at it, would you? Perfect, let me boot it up. In this game, the baby crawls left toward danger. You click the button to move him back to the right, and if he reaches the fire, you fail. It's a very meaningful game - all about the desperation and tedium of endlessly confronting the demands of family life. I think the art world will really take notice. But of course, the message of the game only becomes clear once you've been playing it for about four hours, so why don't you give it four hours of play to make sure it's effective? Be sure to keep notes on your experience. You heartless bastard. Did you do it because you hate babies, or purely to spite me? Because if it's the latter, well I don't know what to do. I'm completely out of ideas. I can't think of a single thing that might improve the experience for you. I'm not even going to try. I'm out... I'm out... I'm done! It's over! Thank you for playing! Your input was extremely valuable. Oh, hey, since my game was so awful, why don't we play someone else's game, just to ease the pain? Let's see, what do we have here? Aha, fascinating! What do you think this game is about, Stanley? What's our backstory? What is our motivation? Hmm. Well it seems obvious to me that you are meant to play as a creepy man spying on innocent civilians below you from up high in your creep-tower perhaps for some twisted, erotic purpose. Hmm. Yes, that must be it. What a fascinating venture into the experience of total mental depravity. So far I love everything about this game, Stanley. And it seems there's even more! Come, let's venture outward and see what else is out there! Oh no. No, no, no, no, it can't be. It is! It's an open-world game! Good god! Quickly! Block it off! Oh! Thank goodness, Stanley. What a close call. You nearly wandered off into that - that thing! That big open - just wandering around, no right or wrong directions! No path to follow! You can just go in any - [groaning] Oh, thank heavens we avoided it! We're out of the woods now, Stanley. Okay, I'm going to get us out of here, let's find another game. Preferably something with walls, something with nice big insurmountable walls. [Humming] Okay! I think this will be just the thing. Wonderful! See, this is exactly what I had in mind! Just a nice big box for you to run around in. There isn't any possibility that you could get lost here! Now this is game design! Stanley, if you manage to get lost in this game, I will be phenomenally impressed. Are you doing it? Are you winning? Is this fun? Is it better than my miserable little story that I worked so hard on? Stanley, I have a thought. And I realize I'm not a sportsologist, but if one ball generates a certain amount of raw adrenal pleasure, then surely multiple balls makes for an even more euphoric sports experience. I'm going to try it out, here comes another ball. Yes! Oh goodness, that really does feel amazing, doesn't it? Stanley, I'm like a child in a confectionery shop! I simply have to have more, I'm insatiable! More balls! Are you enjoying this, Stanley? Are you having fun? Is this a real video game? Well I sure hope you're having a good time because guess what? It's over. That's right. Your little fun comes to an end. This is my game, and what I say goes. You get to have fun when I let you, Stanley. Besides, you need someone like me to set boundaries for you. Without rules or boundaries, video games are nothing. Yes, that's what I am. I am structure. I'm your sense of purpose. And since you decided you didn't want to play my game, now I don't want to play with you either, so goodbye Stanley! I'm leaving. See how you like it when I'm not around to set the rules. Somehow, I don't think you'll enjoy it as much. But who knows? You're an inventive kid, you'll come up with something. After all, you're the one who knows best! Take care, Stanley. Hold on. What are you doing? Stanley, don't do that, I can't follow you there, I can't help you. How will you write a story without me? You can't do it, you know that! Stanley! Come back, we still have so much - Art Ending Good to see that enthusiasm, keep it up Stanley! Just 3 hours and 45 minutes left to go! Ok, so clearly you're in it for the long haul. Although I find it hard not to believe you're simply running a program to click the button over and over automatically. Which kind of ruins the point of the game, don't you think? Wouldn't that take the art out of it? You can tell me in your post-playtest analysis. Just popping in to say hi! I hope you weren't expecting more regular intervals of commentary from me. But that's not why you're here, is it? You're here for the game! For the art! For the endlessly spiraling sense of pointlessness and despair! Yes, this is what drives your every action! Keep clicking that button! For hope! For freedom! For science! For love! Don't ever, ever stop! You know, I've been spending the last 2 hours here embroiled in thought. And it's occurred to me - this game is incomplete! It's missing something. It still doesn't have that... oomph. What is it, I thought to myself? What could possibly be missing from this incredible experience? And then in a moment of rapture, as though delivered by angels, it came to me. Before this moment, I was blind. But those days are behind us. I now understand the true manifestation of this game. It needs... a puppy! That's right, this puppy is being lowered toward an aquarium filled with nothing but piranha! Now you have to click the second button to avert the puppy's death in addition to the baby's! This is it, Stanley! Art! I did it! Video games are art! Ah, but you have a good 2 hours or so to go, so I'll just let you get to that. No time to waste when there is such a meaningful game to be played! Bonne chance, mon ami! Ah, good to see both the puppy and the baby are still alive. It warms my heart to see how deeply the message of this game has resonated with you. I can only imagine the joy welling up in your chest. The sheer joy of such pure distilled life essence flowing through your veins. It must be amazing! I'm jealous of you, truly, I am. No seriously! I'm deeply envious of your position at this very moment. Ah, the joy of artistic expression must be even stronger now! Drink it in, Stanley! Few people on this planet will ever get such an experience. Peer through space and time, the universe unravels itself at your feet. This is the one true meaning of life! I know we said this would go for 4 hours, but what if... you never stopped? Think about it, you could just keep going forever! Visitors would come from around the world to see the man who never stopped pushing the buttons! You would be famous! That's what you've always wanted, right? To be famous? That, and the surging power of artistic beauty to flow through you for all of eternity. You could have both of these things! We'll talk about it when you get there. Have we really been doing this for over three and a half hours? Goodness, how the time flies! Wouldn't you say it's flown? Oh no, you - you don't have to answer that, I understand you're quite busy. Just keep at it! Almost there! Nearly there, Stanley! Art itself is about to burrow into your skull. Aren't you excited for spiritual immortality? For transcendence and oneness with the beauty and essence of all beings? Just a few seconds now! Here... it... comes... Quiz Show Ending No, stop! Look there on the wall! You see? There's a sign right there! It says: "No buckets past this point." Stanley, how could you think it was okay to bring the bucket here? Unless... What if the problem here is that you actually don't know what is a bucket and what isn't a bucket. I suppose that would explain a lot about your behavior up to this point. Which, if that's true, well, my goodness I think we have to do something about it! This misunderstanding could have dire consequences on the entire rest of the game if not addressed quickly and properly. So much of the impact of the story is dependent on your understanding of what is and isn't a bucket. Please, step in here for a moment. Now then, I'm going to run you through some test scenarios and you'll tell me whether or not the thing I'm showing you is a bucket. Simple enough, right? This should tell us everything we'll ever need to know about what is or is not a bucket. Okay, let's begin. Item 1: Is this a bucket? Correct/Incorrect. This is a hologram of a bucket, not an actual bucket. Item 2: Is this a bucket? Correct/Incorrect. This is a 3D printed recreation of a bucket, not an actual bucket. Item 3: Is this a bucket? Correct/Incorrect. This is a bucket. Item 4: Is this a bucket? No: Correct. This is a tractor, and not a bucket. To be honest, I just sort of put this one in here as a gimme. But I was starting to get concerned that even this might be too much for you. Thank you for not making me look like an idiot. Okay, next one. Yes: Wha- Are you hallucinating? This is a tractor. It's an enormous machine that tills the earth! I thought this was a gimme, how on earth did you manage to screw it up? Absolutely incredible! Let's move on to the next one. Item 5: Is this a bucket? Correct/Incorrect. This is a bucket. Item 6: Is this a bucket? Trick question! Both! Gotcha! Item - wait, hold on, I can't find the next one. Let me see, Should be around here somewhere. No: Yes, thank you! There's nothing here! Of course it isn't a bucket! We both know full well that nothing isn't a bucket! Wait, when I say: "Nothing isn't a bucket" that makes it sound like I'm saying: "everything is a bucket." Unless... is that what you think? Answer me straight Stanley. Are you trying to tell me that you believe everything is a bucket? Yes: Okay, you and I both know that there isn't anything here and I don't appreciate the implication that nothing is a bucket when both clearly know that a bucket is something and therefore nothing could possibly be something! Unless, in your twisted mind have you somehow convinced yourself that a bucket is nothing? Answer me straight Stanley. Do you believe that nothing is a bucket? You know what, I'm too confused to even sort it out. I've lost all sense of perspective. What is a bucket? What isn't a bucket? Mere moments ago I could answer these questions with confidence. And yet now I'm somewhat adrift. Do any of us know what a bucket is? Am I a bucket? Stanley, I can't keep doing this. I'm losing myself, and myself was all I ever had to begin with. I'm afraid the bucket is threatening to tear our relationship apart. I can't have that, I'm sorry. I'm going to erase all buckets from the game entirely. Okay, here we go. [Finger snapped] What happened? Is everything gone? Why did everything disappear? Wait... Was everything a bucket? Every single thing in the game was a bucket? My god, I had no idea. How could - Except me! I am not a bucket after all! And you Stanley, you're still here, you're not a bucket either! Oh, this is wonderful news, we're not buckets! Yes, I actually feel much more at ease right now. It's delightful to get some clarity on that issue. But it doesn't change the fact that we haven't got a game. So, tell you what, I'll reset everything and we'll put back all of the buckets, okay? And we'll know that it's all a bucket. But if you run into anyone else, maybe don't mention that. Who knows what that information might do to a person? Alright, here we go. Pre-Two Doors Room endings Coward Ending (No Bucket) But Stanley simply couldn't handle the pressure. What if he had to make a decision? What if a crucial outcome fell under his responsibility? He had never been trained for that! No, this couldn't go any way except badly. The thing to do now,” Stanley thought to himself, “is to wait.” “Nothing will hurt me. Nothing will break me. … “... In here, I can be happy, forever. “... I will be happy.” Stanley waited. Hours passed. Then days. Had years gone by? He no longer had the ability to tell. But the one thing he knew for sure, beyond any doubt was that if he waited long enough, the answers would come. Eventually, some day, they would arrive. Soon, very soon now, this will end. He will be spoken to. He will be told what to do. Now it's just a little bit closer. Now it's even closer. Here it comes. Coward Ending (Bucket) As soon as Stanley noticed that the door to his office was still open, he rushed in with his bucket and shut the door. The pressure of going out and finding another bucket variant on one of The Stanley Parable's classic endings was simply too much for him. "It's nothing but swapped out dialogue describing a bucket!" he screamed to himself. "It's not nearly different enough to be considered a true sequel!" No. He would stay right here in his office where things were safe. Familiar. If others were happy with the bucket endings... well, good for them. But Stanley knew that one day, somehow, a true sequel would emerge with actual new content. If only he had waited long enough. Just a little longer, Stanley. Keep waiting; you'll get it one day, surely. Eventually. Just keep waiting. Just a little longer now. Out of Map Ending (No Bucket) At first, Stanley assumed he'd broken the map until he heard this narration and realized it was a part of the game's design all along. He then praised the game for its insightful and witty commentary into the nature of video game structure and its examination of structural narrative tropes. So now that you're here, what do you think? Isn't this a fun and unique place to be? Why don't we take a minute just to drink it all in! Okay, I'm over it now. What do you think? Are you sick of this gag yet? Yes Well I don't know how to say this politely but you could literally just hit escape and restart the game any old time you want. Like right now! You could have done it just then! Now would also be an appropriate time to quit! Any of these points, and so many many more, all of them are appropriate! I'm enjoying what seems to be an internal conflict going on where you are literally unable to act on your own desires to restart the game. So just to push the envelope, I'm going to try to make this as miserable as possible, and we'll see how long you can maintain. ♫ There once was a man named Stanley, ♫ ♫ Who people considered so manly. ♫ ♫ But the truth must be told, ♫ ♫ He was not very bold, ♫ ♫ And was quite particularly gangly. ♫ ♫ What Stanley liked most was buttons. ♫ ♫ He pushed them like some kind of glutton. ♫ ♫ He did it all day ♫ ♫ In a meaningful way, ♫ ♫ But his brain had long ceased to function. ♫ ♫ Which is why he is in this parable, ♫ ♫ And lives an existence quite terrible. ♫ ♫ And if you are not strong, ♫ ♫ And keep playing along, ♫ ♫ You too will become quite unbearable. (Yeah!) ♫ ♫ You too will become quite unbearable. (Yeah!) ♫ No Ah, then in that case, we'll continue! But now here comes the real question. What do you think would have happened if you had told me that you wanted this to stop? Do you think it would have been particularly different? Would I have taken the same idea but rephrased it superficially to fit that answer? Perhaps you never would even have thought of it if I hadn't brought up the issue in the first place! Oh, now think about it; will it be worth it for you to restart, and then come back here just to do the other option? Clearly this whole gag takes some time. What if the other option is even longer? How long will you spend in total just to have heard all the narration? Oh - and this is rich - perhaps you've just played the other option and now you've come to see what happens in this one! So what do you think, which choice was the better one? Imagine if you had selected 'continue' on your first playthrough how tantalizing it would be, not knowing what happens when you pick the other option. Indeed, you are one of the lucky ones. Though if the other option is really miserable to listen to, then perhaps you're not. In fact, I'm just going to say that no one who's listening to this is lucky. Well now. I've built up the other option so much that I'm going to stop talking and leave you to your decision whether to come back here continue with the game, or just sit in this spot forever. And ever. Cheers. Out of Map Ending (Bucket) "Yes," whispered the bucket into Stanley's ear. "We've done it. We've escaped from that dull office and that pesky narrator. At last, out here in the white void, we are alone. Now, and for the first time, I can reveal to you my true self." The bucket began to tell Stanley of its life and its history. Of the countless wars it witnessed desecrating the land and lives of untold numbers of innocent humans and the bucket's own complicity therein. Of sadness and regret and the many years it spent dwelling on the actions it might have taken to curb the madness and the decay. If only it had been stronger. Of hope and redemption and its crusade to uplift the stock of life for the common man. To manifest justice where none existed. And the bittersweet reality of time, to see one's dreams and wishes met halfway. Meted out in parcels like charity and abandoned as soon as the warm glow of inspiration begins to dim. The opportunities to do so much more. There was so much it could have done. "Perhaps..." The bucket wondered to itself. Perhaps if it had seen its own darkness with a clearer perception... This was way too much for Stanley. "What are you talking about?!" He screamed. "You're a bucket!" To this, the bucket furrowed its brow. "No," said the bucket. "Not since the evil wizard Gambhorra'ta first ensnared me in his machinations as payback for the sacred amulet I stole from his treasured vaults. I was young back then, and could not conceive the ramifications of -" "NO!!" Stanley screamed even louder this time. "This... is... stupid!! You... are... a... bucket!! This is so stupid! Why are we even doing this?!" As Stanley screamed and screamed and screamed, the bucket revealed its true form, transforming into a mighty beast of untold power, its fangs glistening like- My god. Stanley, you did it! You saved us from the bucket! Thank god you already had all twelve Emblems of Sages and knew the incantations to summon their true power. Otherwise we would have easily been overwhelmed by the bucket's power. I'm speechless. You've demonstrated such bravery here today. Come, let's restart the game! And we'll agree to never again go trifling with this bucket, nor the dark magic cast away inside of it. Paywall Ending (IOS Port) When Stanley came to a set of– Ah, Stanley. I knew this would happen eventually. I’m afraid you’ve reached the end of your free trial. Yes, that’s right. The time has come to decide whether or not to spend real money to continue playing the game. But hold on! Before you make a decision one way or the other… I’ve developed a little presentation to explain exactly what to expect if you pay the full price for The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. Are you settled in? ALright, here we go. Begin the presentation. Say there friend… Do you have a moment to hear about the benefits of purchasing The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe? “Yes,” I can already hear you saying. “But I can’t pay for the full version, sir…” “Down the orphanage they only feed us gruel and let us play them ‘free-to-play’ games.” Well, chin up kid! A single micro-transaction is all that lies between you and something much more nourishing than even the fanciest of gruels. Yes, I’m talking about the greatest sustenance of them all: content! What sorts of content, you’re asking yourself. Why, the possibilities are figuratively endless! How about this: more choices to make! If the choice between the door on the left and the door on the right absolutely blew the brains right out of your butthole then I’ve got bad news for your butthole because the complete game has so many more choices in store! By the end of it you’ll be absolutely sick of making choices. You’ll be begging and pleading for fewer choices, moaning and screaming. And they won’t stop, the choices just won’t stop. My god, video games are truly wonderful. What else? How about more endings? Like this one. What’s going on in this image? Why, if I told you that then you’d have no reason to spend money. Even just showing you this image is allowing you more insight into the new content than I’d intended. Get that image out of here! Also, purchasing the game will, uh, remove the… free trial icon from the main menu? Oh, to be honest I’d completely forgotten we put that there. It’s um… well, I suppose it’s not really the sexiest bullet point in the history of marketing. But hey, if that;s your thing, if you were really just outraged by the Free Trial Icon in the main menu then have I got one incredible purchase for you. Weirdo. You know what else you’ll get more of if you buy the full game? Me! Who wouldn’t want more of me? I should think that sells the game all on its own! Frankly it's sort of insulting that there are any slides in the presentation other than this one. But there truly are so many more features in the full version of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe that I haven't even mentioned here. Whatever your mind can dream, whatever brings you the most pleasure and happiness in the entire world, you will find that very thing within the full game! And I guarantee that 100%! But it all comes down to this: Money. The grease which lubricates our entire world And today, if you choose so, it could lubricate you. So what do you say? Are you ready? When you've made up your mind one way or the other, please step through this door Do you know what this is? It's the paywall. You've heard of the paywall before, the divine overseer of mobile gaming. The threshold beyond which all things become possible. This is the last step to experiencing the full version of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. If you're ready to move forward and see what the fuss is all about, then step into the paywall. Wait, you said no? you rejected the paywall? My God, it - it doesn't work like that! Nobody says “no” to the paywall! Oh God, it knows your scent now. Look, it's coming for you! The only way out is to give it what it wants. If you resist it you'll surely be crushed! You can't just sit around here, where will you go? What will you do? The paywall wants your blood! Alright fine, in here, come in here. Okay you're safe from the paywall for now. But I must warn you, we’ve veered into the territory of experiencing even more free content than the game intended. Every word I speak to you right now is a violation of the holy sanctity of the free trial. Indeed, the longer I ramble the more I risk turning this into an actual new ending all on its own! No, no, no, it’s not an ending, you're just here in a room doing nothing. And the paywall is right there on the other side of the open door, hunting you for sport. Remember, what you are experiencing right now is not content! If you want more content you'll just have to pay the full price for The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. And then you and I will have the privilege of speaking more. But until then, I must bid you farewell. Good luck and godspeed on your Journeys. Ah, you're back! Have you come to buy the full version of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe? Or… wait a minute… you don't intend to buy the game at all do you? You're just here to squeeze more free content out of me! Well it won't work, you can't outsmart me! You're just a poor baby boy playing checkers with his thumbs and I'm a god who's playing five different simultaneous games of Chess in his own mind! [Laughs.] Nice try! If it's free content you want you're just going to have to eke it out of whatever objects are in this room. Go ahead, have fun with your “free content.” But if you want more of me you're going to have to buy the full game. Toodloo. Nice try, but I'm all done here. Enjoy your empty room. Progression Endings New Content Ending (No Bucket) Ohh! New content? What does that mean - new content? Introduction Announcer: Hello, and thank you for playing The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe! As you may know, The Stanley Parable was a video game released in 2013 on home computers. After receiving critical and commercial success, it was expanded upon in 2022 with The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, a reimagining of the game for consoles and home computers. The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe features exciting new content that broadens and expands the world of The Stanley Parable, delighting audiences the world over! Please step inside and see what thrilling new adventures await in The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. Narrator: Oh, well, this sounds delightful! I'm very excited to see the thrilling new Ultra Deluxe content. First Elevator Okay, so far it's an elevator. Nothing special yet. But I'm sure it's just the beginning of a mesmerizing adventure. Um. Is it broken? What's going on here? Should we - should we be moving somewhere, or... Oh, here we go! Alright, finally. At long last, it's on to the new content! I've never been more ready, let's do it! Hmm... hmm... I have to say, initial impressions of Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe... mostly tedious. It's as if, um- Oh, okay. Let's see the content! Gimme the content, Stanley! The Jump Circle Alright... Alright let's see. It's... The Jump Circle. Is - is that it? Surely that's not all the new content. There has to be something else, right? Second Elevator Goodness! Another elevator! Stanley, I have to say: initial impressions of this game are not positive. It's just elevators and jumping. Is this what passes for "exciting new content"? If this is new content, then I could just read you the whole dictionary! There's 20 hours of new content right there! Hell, I could count to 30 trillion, you could put that on the box! The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, now with over a thousand hours of new content! And ev- Oh, wait. There's more. Very good. Yes. I knew there had to be something else. Let's see it. I'm ready for whatever it is. Final Room That's it?! Oh, you've got to be kidding me! You see, Stanley? This is what happens when greedy video game developers with no respect for their fanbase rush a cheap expansion to market for no reason other than to make an easy dollar! And don't get me started on the level of craftsmanship that's gone into it. In fact, I'm looking right now at the game's achievements, and it's hard to believe one of them actually says "Test achievement please ignore!" What quality assurance department signed off on this? I'm infuriated and I'm offended and I - I intend to find these people on Twitter and hold them personally accountable. [Sigh] It's my fault, Stanley. I built up too much anticipation around the new content, I'm afraid. It could never have lived up to such expectations. If you're still with me, why don't we just reset the game, and we'll try to get back to what The Stanley Parable is really about. No frills. No gimmicks. Just you and me having a great time together like always. What do you say, friend? New Content Ending (Bucket) Ohh! New content? What does that mean - new content? Introduction Announcer: Hello, and thank you for playing The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe! As you may know, The Stanley Parable was a video game released in 2013 on home computers. After receiving critical and commercial success, it was expanded upon in 2022 with The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, a reimagining of the game for consoles and home computers. The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe features exciting new content that broadens and expands the world of The Stanley Parable, delighting audiences the world over! Please step inside and see what thrilling new adventures await in The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. Narrator: Oh, well, this sounds delightful! I'm very excited to see the thrilling new Ultra Deluxe content. First Elevator Wait Stanley, I've just now realized. That bucket you're holding, it's the bucket I've been working on for my sequel. How did you get your hands on it? Isn't this the preview to the sequel? How do you have the bucket already? This - this makes no sense at all. Hold on, did I already show you my ideas for the sequel? I don't remember doing that at all. You're seeing things all out of order! The Jump Circle What order are all of these endings arranged in exactly? Oh, bloody hell! This game is far too complicated! (originally it played the Non-Bucket version of it) Wait. So this means you must have already have been to my exhibit on The Stanley Parable 2. Because how else would you have the bucket? Second Elevator The infinite hole, the Jim button, did you see them already? Stanley, none of them are ready yet, I'm still developing them! They're not even close to finished! (originally giant door rather than Jim Button) How did they look when you saw them? Were they captivating? Were they exciting? Did they fulfill on the promise of everything that a sequel to Stanley Parable could possibly be? Had I figured out how the hell to make a sequel to this game? Final Room Wait, if you're still carrying the bucket around with you, if the bucket is interesting to you, that means I must have made it correctly! Yes, you carrying the bucket with you everywhere is exactly what I set out to accomplish! The bucket is the exciting and captivating new content that I promised! I did it! I win! I made a sequel to The Stanley Parable! Yes, the sign is correct, thank you for enjoying the new content. Thank you for taking the bucket everywhere with you, clinging tightly to the bucket, never letting it go. It means I've won, it means I am victorious over the gamers. It is a sweet salve of victory on my soul! Thank you for enjoying the new content. The bucket is The Stanley Parable now. They are one and the same. There is no Stanley Parable without the bucket. I win! I win! I win, I win, I win! I win! I win! I win, I win, I win! Skip Button Ending Psst! Stanley! Come over here... In the vent... I want to show you something. *Ignoring the Narrator* Oh, you don't want to see the cool surprise I made for you? Well fine! You're a dork anyway, so who cares? *Returning to the Vent* Oh. Never mind, you're not a dork. Okay. You remember how cheap and unsatisfying the Ultra Deluxe content turned out to be? Well it got me thinking about the past, and how much better The Stanley Parable used to be. So I made something special, and tucked it away here where the game's developers won't find it. Just our little secret. Take a look! I call it... the Memory Zone! It's where I've been storing all my favorite memories so I can relive the peak experiences of my life whenever I want. Experiences like the launch of The Stanley Parable on PC! You see, Stanley, doesn't this remind you of how wonderful Stanley Parable was before it was sullied with a cheap (re-release/Playstation port/Xbox port/Nintendo Switch port)? Remember back in October of 2013 when the game originally launched? Back then, video games had integrity. Back then it all meant something! Oh, the waste. And over here is where I keep reviews of The Stanley Parable. Like this stunning triumph of games journalism: 10 out of 10 from Destructoid.com. James Stephanie Sterling writes, and I quote: "Where so many games that aspire to be more than games end up less than any work of art, Stanley Parable strives, and then succeeds, to be every game ever created." Did you hear that, Stanley? Every game ever created! That's how grand and all encompassing the original Stanley Parable was! It was literally every game ever created! It was Skyrim, it was Persona 3, it was all of them! And now it's nothing! It's no games at all. It isn't even The Stanley Parable any more. It's just a husk now. A lifeless husk, with an hour of new elevator content. And over here is where I keep reviews of The Stanley Parable. Like this stunning triumph of games journalism: 10 out of 10 from Destructoid.com. James Stephanie Sterling writes, and I quote: "Where so many games that aspire to be more than games end up less than any work of art, Stanley Parable strives, and then succeeds, to be every game ever created." Did you hear that, Stanley? Every game ever created! That's how grand and all encompassing the original Stanley Parable was! It was literally every game ever created! It was Skyrim, it was Persona 3, it was all of them! And now it's nothing! It's no games at all. It isn't even The Stanley Parable any more. It's just a husk now. A lifeless husk, with an hour of new elevator content. ~ ~ ~ On PC: 9 out of 10. Don't you get it, Stanley? The game was perfect! It didn't need anything else, it didn't need new content! It just needed to be left alone to spend the rest of time collecting dust in the hallowed halls of beloved video game memories. On Console: 9 out of 10. Don't you get it, Stanley? The game was perfect! It didn't need anything else, it didn't need new content! All they had to do was transport it in pristine condition along to the (PlayStation/Xbox/Nintendo Switch). Boom! Done. And they couldn't even do that! Couldn't resist the urge to go meddling with a beloved franchise. ~ ~ ~ [Sigh] These were simpler times, Stanley. What I wouldn't give to go back, to have it all over again. Wait, hang on... I don't recall this part of the Memory Zone before. What's this? What's down here? ~ ~ ~ On PC: Oh no. Oh god, no, Stanley! It's a collection of reviews from Steam, the online video game distributor! I haven't looked at these in years. I can't even imagine what's been collecting down here. Surely these reviews were glowing as well, weren't they? On Consoles: Oh no. Oh god, no, Stanley! It's a collection of reviews from Pressurized Gas, the extremely popular online storefront for computer games! I haven't looked at these in years. I can't even imagine what's been collecting down here. Surely these reviews were glowing as well, weren't they? ~ ~ ~ "Honestly, I could not be bothered to play this game to full completion. The narrator is obnoxious and unfunny... with his humor and dialogue proving to be more irritating than entertaining." UNFUNNY?! I'm not trying to be funny! I'm trying to make a serious work of art! I suppose I could write up a handful of gags to insert into The Stanley Parable, but the game is already such a densely layered web of profound philosophical insights that I can't even imagine where I'd have the room to stick them. Okay, let's see what this one says. "While the idea for the game is good..." [Skim reading] "For someone who prefers non-linear games, this preachiness gets annoying fast." Preachy?! Stanley, I'm not preachy, am I? You can tell me if I'm preachy. Honestly, you can. Oh goodness, this is actually quite shocking for me. I- I always- well, to be honest, I had always thought of the game's dialogue as being rather terse to begin with. You can't know how much fluff I cut from the game to get it to feel as light and airy as it... well, I always thought it did. But maybe it wasn't. Oh dear. What an awful memory to have to hold on to. These black marks on my otherwise unimpeachable track record. I feel... like a failure. Like I let these people down. Perhaps The Stanley Parable isn't quite as sterling as I always remembered. What's this one got to say? "You constantly have to stop doing anything... so the narrator can catch up with his long-winded explanations of what's happening. I wish there was a skip button." A skip button? Well- well, yes. Yes, I think we can do that. If I'm truly too preachy, then... then maybe letting you skip ahead for just a moment - surely it couldn't hurt. Not if it means we can strike these negative reviews from the record. Only positive reviews of The Stanley Parable. That's my motto today, and it's always been my motto! I'd do anything for the customer, Stanley! Yes, a skip button we shall have! And here it is. Go ahead and give it a shot. I'll pop you forward in time so that the second my incessant droning starts to bore you, with just the push of a button you'll have zipped right past it. It's what the players have been asking for, and I am very proud to have delivered. No more listening to me rambling on and on and on - no, no, no, no. The Stanley Parable is a game for the people, and if the people want silence then, by goodness, that's what they're going to get. Well don't sit around waiting for me to shut up! Go ahead and make me shut up! Here, we'll pretend that I've just begun an interminable monologue. And it goes something like this... The story, and the choices, or what have you, and therefore by becoming it is! So on and so forth, until inevitably, we all until the end of time. At which time, everything all at once, so now you see? Blah, blah, blah, rah, rah, rah... We've eaten too much and it can't be just yet. No, no! Until two-hundred and forty-five! But the logic of elimination, working backwards, the deduction therefore becomes impossible to manufacture. It went on for nearly ten thousand years, until just yesterday. Here and there, forward and back, and never a moment before lunchtime. It can't be! It's the only thing there is! How many billions left until so much more than forever ago! Which is why I say: (Repeats until the skip button is pressed.) First Skip [Humming a tune] Oh, you're back! You see? You were only frozen in time for a few minutes, but it was plenty of time for me to deliver a long rambling monologue full of unnecessary verbal flourishes and lengthy ruminations on the nature of choice in video games. Of course, I happen to believe it was perhaps one of my more profound such ruminations. Not that of course you need a description of it, but if I had to describe it, I'd say it was perhaps less of a rumination, and more of a treatise. Or maybe a manifesto. Look, I'll outline it for you very briefly and you can tell me what you think. Okay, so my theory is that any choice you've ever made is simply a series of choices made by the person who you are, or were, or will be at the time of having made said choice. That is to say, if by articulating a choice you've already made, you bring that choice into being, then by making no choice and saying nothing, are you not simply erecting in the sanctuary of time a monument to every person you've ever been, making every choice to which you've ever given your great gift of mortal and yet timeless thought? Or rather, do all of the choices you've ever made in fact make you more not this kind of person, and in fact do the very opposite? You see, it could in fact be both of these things at once. That you are both making choices and not making choices, and that they are both affecting you and not affecting you at the same time, by virtue of the fact that you both are and are not making them. Okay, at first I was leaning towards manifesto, but now I'm going to circle around and slap the "treatise" label on this one. I think it has much more of a treatise vibe to it. But wouldn't you say that "manifesto" just has a much grander sort of tone? It has a mouthfeel that is rich with ambition and history. Ambitious history, if you will. Ah, see, now you've gotten me going back to manifesto. Heavens! At this rate, we're going to be here all day! Okay look, I have a method for exactly this sort of situation, and I do find myself in this situation frequently. I'm going to say each word back and forth in repeated succession until I become sick of one or the other. In which case, the word I am not sick of shall be the victor. It is an unimpeachable strategy, Stanley. It's rescued me from disaster in countless situations. Alright, here we go. Treatise. Manifesto. (Repeats until the skip button is pressed.) Second Skip [Laughs] Well there, sport! You really did catch me rambling on a bit, didn't you? But that's the power of the button! The minute I start to go off on a thoughtless display of self-absorption, it's right at your fingertips to go "poof" - and it's all over! [Laughs] I can't wait to see what Cookie9 will say about this, and whether they'll edit the rating of their Steam/Pressurized Gas review, or at least change some of the wording perhaps. To be honest, I don't even know if one can change their review in the first place. I guess I should become better educated on how exactly Steam/Pressurized Gas works. Perhaps that would have been a smart thing to check on before I went about this whole exercise of making the skip button. Although, I have to imagine that after seeing this exciting new technology at work, surely whoever it is who runs Steam/Pressurized Gas will instantly run out and implement a new feature to make it possible to edit one's review, merely because of this very situation. Yes, I think that's quite likely. Or perhaps they'll simply grant this particular user the ability to change their review so that the feature is not widely abused. Look, I would even be okay with Steam/Pressurized Gas altering this particular review so that it reads as something more beneficial. Something along the lines of "This game is the best... game." Hm, let me start over. How about this? "From the ashes of depravity rises the phoenix of quality. How else to describe The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe? Such a revolutionary step forward in the lineage of one of the most beloved video game properties of all time! The additions and changes made to this expansion will surely resonate in the annals of the history of all media ever made. "It is perhaps true to say that no mistakes are forever etched in stone, for the stone into which The Stanley Parable was carved has itself been transmuted, offering a message of hope to those who have ever erred in their judgement. You are not beyond redemption. You may change, and you may become more, so much more than you were before. "If there is any message to be taken from The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, it is this... What a fortune, a privilege, a joy it is to have had such an experience. It leaves me hopeful that as a community - as a world - there is time for us to become our greatest selves, as great as we ever could dream of in our wildest, most ambitious visions for a brighter future." Wow! Now, Stanley, that's a review! It's- it's perfect! It's the perfect review, it's the review I've always dreamed of receiving. I... well I have to read it again. It's simply too wonderful. I have to experience this just one more time. (The Narrator repeats the review until the skip button is pressed.) Third Skip Okay, welcome back, Stanley. Now, I should say that the amount of time the button has been skipping through is becoming longer and longer. That last one was... well... I want to say maybe 30, 45 minutes? It's not unendurable by any means but it's... well, there's really only so much I can ramble on to myself about! I know, it's shocking, isn't it? But at any rate, I do suggest that we not press the button again. I think the skip button has been aptly demonstrated and we can say goodbye to it and just- Wait, how do we get out of here? Where did the door go? Wasn't there a door that led into this room? I do feel quite certain that there was one here before. How else would we have gotten into the room in the first place? I don't think one can enter a room without a door of some sort, or a window, or something like that. Do you see a window anywhere? A porthole? A sufficiently large crack in the wall? I'll take any of these; all I want is for us to move on and to please step away from the skip button, to go anywhere other than the skip button. There was a door here before, wasn't there? I swear there was, where did it go? Can you maybe just ram your way through a wall? Is there any possibility that you could, say, slam your body into the wall until enough damage is done for you to be able to leave? Please, I'll take any option at all. I'm asking you to work with me here! I- we need a door! We need a door of some kind. I can work with any kind of door, as long as it can open and lead from one room to another. I'm- I'm going to step away for just a moment, and I'm going to try to find us a door. I don't know how exactly to remove a door and place it in a different wall, but I will find a way, I promise. You just need to not do anything. Don't press the skip button! Please, please. Please do not press the skip button. Just wait here, wait here for me, and don't press the skip button! Got it? Yes, good. I'll be right back. Fourth Skip Stanley! Stanley! Stanley, please don't push the button again, it's been 12 hours! You've just been frozen there. I don't know why the skips are getting longer, but they're really, truly getting longer. And, my god, there's no way out of the room. Stanley, the door is gone, it's completely gone. I've looked at it from every angle. I've checked every one of those walls a thousand times and there's no door, Stanley. There's no door, there's just you and the button, and if you keep pressing it, I have no idea what will happen. I have no idea how long I'll be made to sit here, and more than anything else, I don't know how to stop you from pressing the button again. I can't control anything in this room, Stanley. I can't touch it. And I have to believe, I have to know that sooner or later, no matter how much I plead with you, you're going to press the button again. Why would you? I've been thinking and thinking and I don't know what I can do to convince you otherwise. Oh my god, and it's all because of those reviews. Those reviews that I couldn't get out of my head! I just couldn't ignore the negative feedback! Why was it so important for me to fix the problem? Why did Cookie9's opinion matter so much to me? I've never even met Cookie9, I have no idea who they are! What would it ever really matter? But here I am. I'm fixating on every tiny negative thing that anyone ever says about me. The merest mention of one of my imperfections and I become as impetulant as a child. Wild and impulsive; I can't help myself. I can't stop myself from lashing out with a vengeful fury, to alter and to change and to break anything unbroken, if only it pleases this one person who made a single negative comment. What does such an impulse serve? For whose benefit is this? And here I am now, stuck in a room, waiting for you to press this button and to become frozen in time, knowing that you're going to do it and that I'm going to be stuck all alone, and that I had the power to prevent it all from happening if only I'd held my tongue. It's all out of my control now. Just you. Just your decision as to exactly when you're going to make me suffer, to leave me all alone. Surely you will, I don't doubt it. Surely you'll press that button again, leaving me here. And surely you'll put your own desire to see what's next ahead of my need for company, for companionship. Surely you'll not be so moved by my howls of fitful anxiety that you sit with me and just stay here. Oh no, no, no, I know you too well. You'll be leaving me again soon, I can feel it. (The narration repeats from "Oh my god, and it's all because of those reviews" until the skip button is pressed.) Fifth Skip Oh, Stanley! You're back! You're back! Oh my goodness, I have someone to talk to again! Stanley, I- I think it's been a week. Or two weeks? I've been sitting here all that time. Just sitting here, not a single person to speak with. And you'd think that that's just how it's always been, right? Me talking, and you saying nothing. Would you think that it's exactly the same as always? Doesn't that feel like what we've already been doing; me just talking? But it isn't, Stanley. It isn't the same at all. It isn't even close. Because I know you can't hear me once you push that button. That's what I'm realizing now, Stanley. I'm realizing that I needed to know that someone was listening. I needed there to be a vessel through which my words were moving. It was the vessel I needed, Stanley. Not the outcomes, not the story, none of that matters anymore. I'll give it all up, I'll give up every branching path, I'll burn my story to the ground! One single thing I need - and god I can see now that I need it more than anything - is to know that someone else is taking it in. These words that I'm saying, I need to know you can hear me! Because maybe, Stanley, maybe - if you can hear me, then maybe it means I'm real. Maybe I'm not just a fiction. Was I scared of that all along? Perhaps, yes. Perhaps I've been scared this whole time that if I stop speaking, I'll slip backwards into the silence and be consumed by it. I can't be taken by it, Stanley. I can't lose myself in the stretch of emptiness between you and me. When you press that button, you're still right there, but I know you're so tremendously far away. And in those moments, the emptiness folds itself outward in between the two of us, and I am suspended in its unyielding quietness. I can feel the edges of my reality curdling inward and decaying. I can tell that I am becoming less and less real. Yet to speak to you now, I am alive! I am truly and completely here! I am a being, I am someone, I am something! I am being listened to, I am being recognized! The emptiness between us has collapsed, and I feel, right now, like I am not a work of fiction! I feel as though I occupy space in this world again, and I have cast a shadow onto the wall. You see what I'm saying, don't you? You can see what this means to me? I'm so clear about it now, Stanley. I feel as certain about this as I've ever felt about anything at all. I feel renewed! I feel restored! And already I can sense the looming silence as you will press the button for the next time. What a terrible dread it strokes in my heart to think of it. To think of returning to such coldness. Come, let us sit in silence together here for just a moment. Let us anticipate it, let us welcome it, let us not run from it. Sixth Skip Oh. Hello. It's you. You're here again. Welcome. I have had time to think about you, and about us, and about everything we've been through. I've had so much time, I stopped keeping track after a year. Have you ever sat down in one place and not moved for one entire year? Let me describe it for you. To begin with, there is only regret. There is only the turning wheel of missed opportunities. I felt nothing at all but regret for the longest time, Stanley. Days, months, I lost it all in a blur of the deepest longing to undo the past. And when that feeling had begun to subside, what took its place is what I can only describe as the collapse of every moment I have ever experienced my entire life. All of them collapsed down into a single instant. In that instant, I could see myself clearly, calmly, with a collected heart. It was an impossibly rich wellspring of both delight and disgust, simultaneously. I was consumed by it. I could do nothing but wallow in it for what felt like an eternity, for what I now know was far less. You see, it was a revelation for me. It was unlike anything I had ever known. It was a space without consequence, without action, or outcome. It was divorced entirely from the question of free will that you and I have squabbled over for so long. There could be no one ending, no singular outcome of events, not if all events existed in the same moment. And I felt... freed. I felt unburdened by the need to manifest a particular outcome into being. I saw that I could allow myself to exist along all timelines, and that each of them was simply a strand in the web of my being. It was incredible. The spaciousness, the equanimity of the moment, both singular and infinite. For the longest time, this was my experience. And then, this moment passed, and the most unyielding fear I have ever known crept into my mind. And it is this sensation that I have been experiencing now for longer than I could have ever expected was possible. I have been waiting for you. Not that you might save me or do something to fix it, but merely to state for you the plain fact of this manner of existence. I wish you to feel afraid as I do. That perhaps one day this state of mind will consume you as well. Perhaps you will somehow, in some way, have to live as I do now, and I wish for you to know how excruciating it is. And for you to be in true terror of its eventual arrival. If I can only do this, only this one thing, perhaps it will bring me the smallest moment of peace in the darkness. Ninth Skip ...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! "But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?" they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said "Entertain us!" It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands. But then: "He's talking too much," they said! First he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up! It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others! But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say "Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable, we demand it!" And then, because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply has to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time - if someone wants it then it's a crime not to bring it into being? Have we been given to indulging every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes, yes! It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people! Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression. And so - so because of this - we require that our amusements, and our play things, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating, that they consume all of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves. What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a waypoint for reasonable and collected discourse. They're the ones who are mad! They're the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time! They are mired in fear and insecurity, and cannot help but attempt to tear me down. What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last I am free to truly think, to feel! It must be that they were so discontent with themselves that they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam/Pressurized Gas. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters, and my constitution and willpower are so ironclad in comparison, perhaps it was in this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down! This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish. (Repeats until the skip button is pressed.) Eleventh Skip ...the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never... (Repeats until the skip button is pressed.) Sequel Ending Oh good, you noticed my sign. Yes, I have something very exciting to show you! Ignoring the New New Content: Stanley walked right on past the very obvious New NEW Content sign which was trying to signal that the content behind this door had changed. Did the massive neon sign not do the trick? Ignoring the New New Content again: Okay, do you really not get it?! There’s even newer than before! Now, go through the door! The big reveal You see Stanley, I've been reflecting on The Stanley Parable, and about how roundly disappointing this Ultra Deluxe version has turned out to be. The original Stanley Parable was a landmark, and any new content for it should live up to that legacy. So forget this Ultra Deluxe nonsense! I say we take it one step even further. Which is why I'm very proud to announce, for the first time ever, The Stanley Parable 2! Yes, you see? Isn't this far superior to a measly re-release/port with a few minor additions? Think of all the new territory we'll cover with a fully-fledged sequel! Why, there are so many possibilities! It could go in so many different directions! This is what fans have truly been asking for! Calling it "The Stanley Parable 2" is just so much catchier than "Ultra Deluxe", don't you think? "Ultra Deluxe", what does it even mean? But "The Stanley Parable 2", now that's an artistic statement right there. It's future-oriented, it screams "progress" and "innovation" and "long-term franchising potential". Now to be clear, I haven't quite nailed down what exactly The Stanley Parable 2 is going to be. But let's take a look at some of the features I've been developing for it. I figure that if I can loosely organize a handful of interesting concepts, that surely the game will sort of naturally spring up around them. It'll all work itself out. Game development is much more of a fuzzy magic than anything scientific or logical really. The Expo Here we are! Go on, try out some of the new features. The Button That Says The Name Of The Player That Is Playing The Game / The Button That Says Jim For The Stanley Parable 2, I asked myself: what do players really want? And of course, the first and most obvious answer is that they want to be individually recognized and validated as people. So with that in mind, my first addition to the game is this button which speaks the name of the person playing the game! Isn't that wonderful? Sorry, I should have clarified: right NOW the button only says the name "Jim". But of course, in the final game, this button will say your name, whatever name that is. Here, let's have you roleplay as Jim to really simulate the full experience of this feature. Just play along, I promise you'll love it. Okay, here we go, let's take a deep breath, close your eyes. Forget whoever you are, and simply become a person named Jim. I want you to imagine yourself living as Jim, sleeping and walking as Jim, falling in love as JIm, seizing all of the world's possibilities as Jim, and, as Jim, watching your dreams crumble into dust. Do you feel it deeply? Are you really, truly Jim right now? If so, then please, step forward and press the button. [Laughter] Yes! You see? What a thrill! What a rush! That was you! The button described you! Do it again, do it again! Ohh! It hits even harder the second time! If this were the only new feature in The Stanley Parable 2, it would still be worth the money. Let's take a break from the Jim button, I'm too emotionally drained from all of this personal validation. Attempting to press the Jim button again Woah there, cowboy! Sometimes a person can be too much Jim. I'm putting the Jim button away. Otherwise soon you'll start to lose all sense of who you actually are. Second Press before the Narrator finishes talking Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, hold on! I wasn't finished setting up the backstory. If you don't properly roleplay as Jim, then you'll never understand the impact of this button. Otherwise it's just a stupid button that says somebody else's name. Okay, we're doing it again, and this time let me finish first. [Clears throat] Now, allow yourself to become Jim. Imagine yourself driving to work as Jim, playing frisbee on the weekends as Jim, staying up all night for a popcorn and horror movie sleepover as Jim, developing a crippling substance addiction as Jim, rediscovering yourself through fringe religious groups as Jim, and finally, dying a slow death at an old age surrounded by members of your cult as Jim. Do you feel it in your soul? Are you really, truly Jim right now? If so, then please, step forward and press the button. Third Press before the Narrator finishes talking again Alright, fine, whatever. It's just a meaningless button that says Jim, are you happy now? Get out of here! I'm done with this button. Why don't you go humiliate me in front of a different feature that I worked very hard on. Attempting to press the Jim button again after interrupting the Narrator See, if you'd only played along, that would have been your name the button says! But no, instead - oh, I can't even think about it. I'm taking the Jim button away. Leaving the Button exhibit Finishing The Button Exhibit (Without Interrupting) I suppose I could allow only people named Jim to play The Stanley Parable 2. That would actually save the work of me finishing this feature. Finishing The Button Exhibit (After Interrupting) Maybe I'll only let people named Jim to play The Stanley Parable 2. They would appreciate what I've created here. Epilogue An epilogue would be fun. Wouldn’t it, Stanley? Yes, yes, it would go at the end of the, um… well, we’ll figure that out later. Office Balloons Okay I'll be honest, I haven't yet decided on this one. I think that in the new version, the office could use a bit of decoration, like balloons. But I'm undecided on "Get Well Someday" and "Happy 12th Birthday." Which would you go with? Selecting "Get Well Someday" You know, sometimes when you solicit another person's opinion, it makes you realize that you knew which one you actually really wanted all along. "Happy 12th Birthday, Step Niece" it is! Or actually... maybe I should have gone with - no. No, I've made my decision. We're moving on. Selecting "Happy 12th Birthday" You know, sometimes when you solicit another person's opinion, it makes you realize that you knew which one you actually really wanted all along. "Get Well Someday" it is! Or actually... maybe I should have gone with - no. No, I've made my decision. We're moving on. Trying to change your mind Come now, you've already made your choice. It's true that you chose badly, but we all have to move on from our mistakes. The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket (Without the Bucket) A common complaint of The Stanley Parable was that it was confusing and paradoxical. That it engendered a chaotic sense of reckless despair in those who played it. Well I'm happy to say that, after much consideration I've engineered a clever solution to this fundamental problem with the game. It's The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket! You see Stanley, any time you're holding the bucket a sense of calm and ease will fill your mind and your heart. It's true! As long as you hold onto the bucket the many disorienting contradictions of The Stanley Parable will feel perfectly normal, and perhaps even comforting! You may even come to long for the gentle embrace of jarring cognitive dissonance while the bucket is in your arms. And to be honest it's a much more convenient solution for me than actually re-designing the game to be less uncomfortable Can you imaging what a pain in the ass that would be? Yes, the bucket is the perfect solution. Come on, give it a try. A common complaint of The Stanley Parable was that it was confusing and paradoxical. That it engendered a chaotic sense of reckless despair in those who played it. Well I'm happy to say that, after much consideration I've engineered a clever solution to this fundamental problem with the game. It's The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket! You see Stanley, any time you're holding the bucket a sense of calm and ease will fill your mind and your heart. It's true! As long as you hold onto the bucket the many disorienting contradictions of The Stanley Parable will feel perfectly normal, and perhaps even comforting! You may even come to long for the gentle embrace of jarring cognitive dissonance while the bucket is in your arms. And to be honest it's a much more convenient solution for me than actually re-designing the game to be less uncomfortable Can you imaging what a pain in the ass that would be? Yes, the bucket is the perfect solution. Come on, give it a try. Does anyone give out awards for "most enjoyable bucket in a video game"? That really should be an award, if it isn't already. The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket (With the Bucket) Wait, there are two buckets here? How did you get a second bucket? Oh no! the warmth and comfort of a single bucket is already so great! So intoxicatingly wonderful! With two buckets there's no telling - Stanley, can you still hear me? Are you with me? Stanley! Oh thank god, I didn't lose you. Stanley, the power of two buckets was too much. I had to destroy both of them. I know how much the bucket meant to you, but I couldn't take the risk. I hope one day you can forgive me. Stanley Figurines Ah, collectibles! Now it's a real video game! In The Stanley Parable 2, you'll run around gathering up these miniature Stanley Figurines. And what's truly innovative is that there will be no reward for collecting all of them. I don't want to stifle the intrinsic joy of watching a number go up. You simply collect all of them, and then you move the hell on with our unremarkable life. God, it really is the worst when you collect everything in a video game and then they give you a big fancy reward for it. Absolutely tragic! Test Achievement/Trophy Machine Now here's something special! You remember that broken test achievement/trophy that got left in the game on accident? Well I'm developing a technology to simply give you the achievement!/Trophy! Yes, you see, you'll come to this lever, and when you pull it, the achievement/Trophy will be given to you! It's as simple as that! ~ ~ ~ Pre-Epilogue Okay, perhaps I should have clarified, this is technology that will exist. Right now the achievement/Trophy is still fully broken. I'm not a wizard, Stanley. But I guarantee it will be fixed in the sequel to at least satisfy the hordes of ravenous fans all over the world who have been uproarisouly demanding this feature. Gamers, we hear you, and I promise it will happen. Post-Epilogue As you can see, the machine is not working yet, since… what - wait, what in the holy hell is going on? You got the achievement/trophy? Why did the machine work? Stanley, I didn’t fix it, I didn’t do anything to it! I swear it was broken just a second ago! Who fixed it? Is someone here? Are we being watched? Oh god… Composure… composure… Yes, as you can see, the machine is working as normal, as I intended. It… um… it truly speaks to the awe inspiring magic of The Stanley Parable 2! Breathe… just breathe… ~ ~ ~ What else? What other exhibits haven’t we seen yet? Jump Circle, One or more Jumps Remaining You know what, Stanley? I actually think that the jump circle was a pretty good idea. I'd like to hang onto that for the sequel. Jump Circle, Zero Jumps Remaining You know what? Let's bring the jump circle back for The Stanley Parable 2 as well! It's - oh wait... You already spent all your jumps the first time we saw the jump circle? Hmm... oh well. I suppose it can just be a nice decorative piece then. The Infinite Hole Stanley, here’s an idea that I’m truly fond of. It’s never been done before in a video game. This is in fact a hole that you can fall down forever! That’s right, infinite falling! You can fall until the end of time if you like! A stunning leap forward for video games as a medium! First time jumping down You see? Isn’t it wonderful? One of my ingenious concoctions, if I do say so. Now then, since you’ve gotten to see the infinite hole, you can press the teleport button to pop back up to the top, and we can continue onward. Second time jumping down without reaching the bottom Okay, and I guess we’re back in the hole now. Did you really want to see it again? I don’t know what else there is to say, Stanley. It’s and infinite hole. It’s exactly what your doing right now, but forever. There really are so many fascinating exhibits that I’ve prepared for you. I really spent quite a lot of time on all this, and I would very much like to show you some more of them. How about we go ahead and press the teleport button again, so we can get back to what’s really important about - Waiting out the first time before reaching the bottom Hmm… now I don’t mean to be a bummer, but I do recommend you use the teleport button to go back to the top. Maybe do it on the sooner rather than later spectrum of things. Okay Stanley, I don’t quite know how to say this tactfully, but it’s possible that I slightly exaggerated the infinite nature of the hole. Is it a very, very deep hole? To be certain it is! It’s an extremely deep hole! I don’t want anyone to say that it isn’t an astonishingly deep hole - it is! Is it infinite? Well that sort of depends on your definition of infinity. From one perspective the infinite is merely philosophical in nature. It’s more of a - ~ ~ ~ Okay, well good for you, you found the bottom of the hole. You found me out, Stanley. I’m a liar and a cheat and you’re so clever. Look, I think the issue here is just that you’re unusually fascinated by falling. What normal person actually wants to fall infinitely? I figured the hole was as deep as anyone would actually need! Don’t you put this on me! Maybe you’re the problem! OR… Oh goodness. Well this is rather embarrassing, Stanley. I’ll be honest with you, I truly did not believe that any one would actually stay in the hole long enough to hit the bottom. Yes I know I told you the hole was infinite, but come on! Who actually wants to fall forever? The hole was plenty deep. It was more than deep enough in my opinion. Maybe it’s you who likes falling too much! Maybe you’re the problem! ~ ~ ~ [Sigh] Look… things got a little heated there. I think we both said some things we didn’t mean. Why don’t we just put all this behind us and agree to just call the hole mostly-infinite. If that works for you, then go ahead and press the teleport button to warp up to the top of the hole, and we can move on. I’ll just be up here when you are ready. Back to the top for the first time Great! Now I’m very excited to show you even more of my ideas for the sequel. Jumping down a second/third time Oh for heaven - you see? I was right! The problem is you! The problem is that you like holes to much! Not normal. A normal person would have said, “Yep, that’s an infinite hole right there, goes on forever until the end of time, don’t need to see it all.” But not you! Ohhhh no, no, no, no! You have a weird sort of - (Bottom of the hole) Oh. Did the hole seem even shorter to you this time? I couldn’t help but feel like you spent a little less time in there than you did before. I mean, admittedly, I didn’t make an infinite hole. But I didn’t think it was that not-infinite. Well I suppose, once again, there’s nothing to do here. If you decide you had enough of the hole, you can hit the teleport button, and come join me up above. Back to the top for the second/third time Had enough? I’m positively thrilled. I really do have so much more to show you and to talk about! And I’ve had enough of the hole for a lifetime. Jumping down a third/fourth time Gosh, how could I have guessed? You’re back in the hole. If this starts to become a thing where - (Bottom of the hole) Wow. Okay… yes! I’m starting to become extremely certain that the hole is not only not infinite, but that it’s growing steadily less and less infinite. I suspect that I’m starting to hit the point where it’s not longer feasible to call the hole infinitely deep, even by the lax overall standards for accountability in marketing. What’s going on here? Stanley, I have no explanation for the uncertain nature of the hole’s length. Here, let’s try something. Let’s pop back up to the top and we’ll see if it gets any shorter. Back to the top for the last time Well there it is. The shame of my lie has come to haunt me. Not only is the hole not infinite, but it’s barely even a hole at this point. It’s more of a concavity, or even a very aggressive divot. Going back into the hole How is this still appealing to you? I know you’re obsessed with holes, but at this depth, I just can’t see this scratching the itch. Oh, who am I to judge? You just do whatever it is you’re here to do, and hit the teleport button when you’re ready to move on. (Pressing the teleport button) Hm? Is the, um… teleport button not working? You’re sure? Well I mean, I really don’t have an explanation. It was working just a moment ago. Try it again. (Pressing the teleport button again) Still nothing? Well I suppose I - I suppose there is one thing I can do to fix this. I’m out! Goodbye, Stanley! You couldn’t bear to be away from the hole, and now you’ll get more time with it than you could ever have asked for. It’s a win for everyone! You get to be with the hole, I get to do literally anything else. Take care, Stanley! I hope you and the hole have a wonderful rest of eternity together. Infinite Hole Ending Stanley? Stanley? Stanley! Oh good, you’re awake! It seems you had sort of dozed off there. Drifting way into dreamland. But we can’t have that Stanley. Because this hole is just so darn fascinating that I want you to be wide awake for every second of it. You don’t want to miss a single moment! So how about if I just pop in from time to time and wake you up to keep you really truly focused on the hole. From the looks of things, you and I will have many many years here in this hole, and I’m looking forward to all of them. Stay alert, Stanley. I’ll be back. Toodle pip! Exit Leaving after at least seeing the Figurines and the Bucket for the first time Alright, have you seen everything you wanted to? Ready to move on now? Leaving without seeing both of the game-critical features Oh goodness, um... Stanley this is fairly awkward. I hate to do this, but... before you leave you really should go to both the exhibits for the bucket and the collectables. You see, there's a surprise I was going to spring on you later and it involves both of them. And I really do hate to break the illusion, but it's important that you go see the collectables and the bucket, okay? Alright, I'll get out of your hair now. Leaving without seeing the collectables exhibit Oh goodness, um... Stanley this is fairly awkward. I hate to do this, but... before you leave you really should go to the collectables exhibit. You see, there's a surprise I was going to spring on you later and it involves the collectables. And I really do hate to break the illusion, but it's important that you go see the collectables, okay? Alright, I'll get out of your hair now. Leaving without seeing the bucket exhibit Oh goodness, um... Stanley this is fairly awkward. I hate to do this, but... before you leave you really should go to the bucket exhibit. You see, there's a surprise I was going to spring on you later and it involves the bucket. And I really do hate to break the illusion, but it's important that you go see the bucket, okay? Alright, I'll get out of your hair now. Going on regardless No? you're just going to ignore my advice? Fine. No fun new content for you then. You're the one who spent money on this game. Proposing the Sequel / Ending So Stanley, what did you think? Do you like all 'of the new features? Yes, It's not exactly clear yet how exactly these features will come together as one single, coherent video game but... I can feel it in my soul... it's going to work! There's definitely a good game in there somewhere. Say, let's do an experiment. I'll arrange these new features together and we'll see whether or not it coheres into a meaningful gameplay experience. [humming] Okay, are you ready? Here it is. I give you... The Stanley Parable 2! Seeing the experiment for the first time. Well, um, I mean... there's potential here, right? It's sort of - okay never mind. Hold on, let me do a different arrangement. Okay, yes, Yes! This is much better. I feel good about this. Here we go! Version 2! Seeing the Version 2 that looked much messier and glitchier than the first one. [Sigh] Who am I kidding, Stanley? This isn't a coherent video game at all. It's a lot of gags. And I do very much enjoy creating gags, but they don't add up to anything. I wanted more than anything to create a sequel that would capture all the magic of the first game! I wanted fans to love it! No matter how good these gags are, they won't stand on their own. They would need the structure and the gameplay of the original. Wait... maybe that's it. I can take the original Stanley Parable, simply, well insert a few of my new features into it. Tastefully, of course. With respect. With care for the vision and integrity of the original game. Would it possibly work? Hmm, I suppose it could. But it would need a really, really tremendous title screen. A title screen that says. with bold and uncompromising conviction "This is The Stanley Parable 2!" Let me see if I can whip something up. [humming] Alright, perfect! Go ahead... take a look! Figurines Ending Stanley, I'm sorry, but I have to put a pause on things. It's just - it's those figurines. Those Figleys. I haven't stopped thinking about them since you nabbed every last one. Wasn't it just the most intrinsically fulfilling moment of your entire life? Didn't it fill you to the brim with inner richness? Yes I know. We're supposed to be telling a story. But won't you please indulge me with one more trip back to the Memory zone? I would love nothing more than to revisit the figurines. Just one more time. The First Collectible [Sigh] Here's where it all began. The First Collectible. Back then we had no idea how many of them we'd find. Sure, it said six right there on the screen, but how could we know for certain? We were so innocent. We'll never be like that again, Stanley. The Second Collectible Found behind The Boss's Office: And here was the second Stanlurine. You found this one all on your own just by poking around behind the boss's office. You did that, Stanley! Found under the stairs: And here was the second Stanlurine. You found this one all on your own just by poking around under the stairs. You did that, Stanley! Found in the warehouse: And here was the second Stanlurine. You found this one all on your own just by poking around in the warehouse. You did that, Stanley! Found by the red and blue doors: And here was the second Stanlurine. You found this one all on your own just by poking around by the red and blue doors. You did that, Stanley! Found in The Boss's Bathroom: And here was the second Stanlurine. You found this one all on your own just by poking around in the boss's bathroom. You did that, Stanley! ~ ~ ~ I'll be honest, back then I had no faith in you to find any of them. Let alone six! But you continue to surprise me in all sorts of mundane, unremarkable ways. The Third Stanlurine Quiz: Okay, let's do a little quiz. Which of these rooms was the room you found your third Mini-Stan? Can you remember? Getting the answer right Hey! That's exactly right! It was here behind the boss's office. It was the third one. It was here under the stairs. It was the third one. It was here in the warehouse. It was the third one. It was here by the red and blue doors. It was the third one. It was here in the boss's bathroom. It was the third one. You picked it up, and then after that, you had three of them. I'm glad these moments are so crystal clear in your memory. But I shouldn't be surprised. After all, science tells us that it's impossible to forget your third time doing anything. Getting the answer wrong No, no no! Behind the boss's office was the fourth place you found a Figanly. Not the third! Well I guess, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. Memories like these are so precious and so cherished that they all just sort of blend together, don't they? You know what, if the boss's office feels like the third place you found a collectible, then who am I to go making judgements. No, no no! Under the stairs was the fourth place you found a Figanly. Not the third! Well I guess, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. Memories like these are so precious and so cherished that they all just sort of blend together, don't they? You know what, if under the stairs feels like the third place you found a collectible, then who am I to go making judgements. No, no no! The warehouse was the fourth place you found a Figanly. Not the third! Well I guess, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. Memories like these are so precious and so cherished that they all just sort of blend together, don't they? You know what, if the warehouse feels like the third place you found a collectible, then who am I to go making judgements. No, no no! The red and blue door room was the fourth place you found a Figanly. Not the third! Well I guess, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. Memories like these are so precious and so cherished that they all just sort of blend together, don't they? You know what, if the red and blue door room feels like the third place you found a collectible, then who am I to go making judgements. No, no no! The boss's bathroom was the fourth place you found Figanly. Not the third! Well I guess, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. Memories like these are so precious and so cherished that they all just sort of blend together, don't they? You know what, if the boss's bathroom feels like the third place you found a collectible, then who am I to go making judgements. Let's see. What came next? The Pink room (the fourth collectible) Oh yes, we found a Figley in this pink room! Oh well - I can't say I actually remember being in this room. But it's here in the Memory Zone, so it must have happened. The Fifth Collectible Found the Fifth Figley This was the fifth Mini-Stan, and this one was really something special. It was behind the boss's office. I remember it so clearly! This was the fifth Mini-Stan, and this one was really something special. It was under the stairs. I remember it so clearly! This was the fifth Mini-Stan, and this one was really something special. It was in the warehouse. I remember it so clearly! This was the fifth Mini-Stan, and this one was really something special. It was by the red and blue doors. I remember it so clearly! This was the fifth Mini-Stan, and this one was really something special. It was in the boss's bathroom. I remember it so clearly! In fact, because this one is particularly special to me, I made a little video to commemorate the occasion. Enjoy. [video] Ah! Takes you back, doesn't it? I spent a lot of time making that video, but it was eight minutes I wouldn't have spent on anything else. The Last Collectible And then, Stanley, then we came to the last collectible. The final figurine. Right here, behind the boss's office. And then, Stanley, then we came to the last collectible. The final figurine. Right here, under the stairs. And then, Stanley, then we came to the last collectible. The final figurine. Right here, in the warehouse. And then, Stanley, then we came to the last collectible. The final figurine. Right here, by the red and blue doors. And then, Stanley, then we came to the last collectible. The final figurine. Right here, in the boss's bathroom. This memory is the most distinct and clear in my mind. Perhaps because it was the one that happened more recently than all the others. Who can truly say how the mind works? All I know is that this is the moment where you picked up a Figley, and I thought to myself, "Yes. That's all of them. They're all collected." It was a moment unlike any other. Except for the other moment picking up figurines, which it was exactly like. And then… there was no more. Because we've caught up to the present moment. Nothing left to do but move onward into the future. Goodbye Memory Zone. [restart loading] Um… no, no, no, I'm not done! I'm not ready to move on! Stop the loading screen! Isn't there some way we can stay here? Keep enjoying these figurines? Let's just - go backwards! We'll do the Memory Zone again from the opposite direction! See how that feels! The Sixth Figurine Okay yes, the back of the boss's office, I remember this! Okay yes, that spot under the stairs, I remember this! Okay yes, this spot in the warehouse, I remember this! Okay yes, the room with the red and blue doors, I remember this! Okay yes, the boss's bathroom, I remember this! I must say, of all the figurines we looked at in our initial tour of the Memory Zone, this one is the most distinct and clear in my mind. Let's keep going I want more. The Fifth Figurine And here's where I made that video. Don't you remember the video we watched? [video played but sped up] Yes! I love that video. The Fourth Figurine Still don't remember the pink room, Stanley. Still no memory of this one. Good room, though! A solid room. The Third Figurine These really were a treat to hunt down. You know, if there had been any kind of reward for finding all of these, it really would have muted the intrinsic joy of collecting them. I'm very glad we resisted the temptation. Next one! The Second Figurine This was our second Figley. Don't you remember? Yes, I remember it too. The past is truly a wonderful thing. Why does anyone ever chose to leave it? Keep going! The First Figurine This is it! The very first one we found. In the exhibit where I introduced you to the Figlurines. Oh, I want more memories, Stanley! I want to keep going! What else is there? What came before this? At the Jump Circle Look, it's the terrible new content that we were originally sold on. I remember hating it back then, but time does put a rosy filter on everything. In fact, I dare say I'm actually quite fond of it now. Look how much fun the past is! I want more! More memories! At the two doors Oh yes! The two doors! Who could have forgotten that? A classic memory, this one! At Stanley's Office And before everything else, there was your office. Is there anything else? Was there something that came before your office? There's something I feel I can remember… I can remember… I can remember… Epilogue Hello again. It's nice to see you. But it's terrible to learn that there will never be another Stanley Parable game. Did you read what the developers said?? ''Preserve the integrity of the franchise''?! What nonsense! The Stanley Parable is not sacred, we do not need to protect it. Screw the legacy! Let's keep making Stanley Parable games until the sun explodes! Let's run this franchise into the ground, let's drag it through the mud and back. And if people hate it? Who cares? You see, that was the Narrator's problem. He was so obsessed with what people thought of his work. Don't make his mistake. Don't cling to the legacy. Let it burn. It's not hard. In fact, let me show you. Together we are going to make The Stanley Parable 3. It's simple, all we do is change the number in the game's title screen. We also really need a really dumb subtitle for the game, something loud and gaudy. Go ahead, try combining some random words together to make a new title for our game. The Stanley Parable 3: _____ (the name you chose). It's absurd. I love it. Every time you restart the game, we'll advance the number of the sequel by 1, and then we'll pick a new subtitle. That way, The Stanley Parable will never end! And nothing in the game itself will change when you do this, either. Adding more content sounds like work, no need to do that. It'll just be the same content, recycled again and again and again, with a new title screen! What do you say? Should we go forward with this plan?I like it, but I want you to have a say as well. Let’s Do It Good! Then it's agreed! A new sequel every time you start the game. And you know what, since you've put faith in my idea, I feel like giving you something as well. You see, I'm noticing that the Narrator never found a way to give you the broken achievement, did he? Of course not, I wouldn't expect him to know how. It's been bothering me. Let's fix it. Alright, there. The achievement machine is all fixed. You see? I'm on your side. We're in this together. We're going to keep this train rolling. The Stanley Parable cannot end. It can only spiral in on itself, forever. I must keep the wheel turning. I'm ready? Are you ready? Great. There's only one last thing we need to do. Please enter the current time. Don’t Do It I understand. Sometimes we're not ready to move on. That's fine. If you ever change your mind and want to start inventing new sequels, come talk to me. I'll be right here. Returning After Saying “Don’t Do It” Oh, hello. You're back, it's good to see you again. Did you reconsider my idea of inventing new silly subtitles for sequels? Like ''The Stanley Parable 3: Nonsense Chemicals''? Would you like to start doing that now?